Friday Oct 28 2011
Late Night Jokes Delivered to your Mailbox Daily!
The Tonight Show with Jay Leno
Herman Cain told a group of Occupy Wall Street protesters to go home, get a job, and get a life. That's the Republican version of hope and change, ladies and gentlemen.
Road kill is now legal to eat in Illinois. It's part of their new “Meals Under Wheels” program.
The estate of Jack Kevorkian says they plan to auction off 17 paintings by the famous suicide doctor. Ironically, they say the characters in the painting really seem to come to life.
In Laguna Hills, California it took rescue workers 90 minutes to free a man from the inside of a hollow tree. Thus proving that the obesity epidemic has even reached the Keebler elf community.
Late Show with David Letterman
I'm getting ready for Halloween. Today up at the house, we tested the electric fence. It's working.
The United States government says it's okay for British Petroleum to resume offshore drilling. Yeah! What could possibly go wrong?
Just when I'm getting used to eating chowder without tar balls.
Late Show Top Ten
Top Ten Signs Herman Cain's Campaign Is In Trouble
Can't afford cigarettes for new campaign ads
It's been fun, but there's no way we're actually electing a guy named "Herman"
While campaigning, kissed a photo of himself and signed a baby
New campaign slogan "Mayday!"
Even Michele O'Bachmann thinks his ideas are nuts
He trails Gadhafi's corpse in the polls
Refuses to acknowledge the road to the White House goes through me, Dave
He's acting less fun-crazy and more crazy-crazy
Just accepted million-dollar offer to pose nude in Playboy
There's a 0-0-0 chance he'll be president
The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson
Happy birthday to Olympic legend Bruce Jenner who is 62 years old. He won the gold medal for Kardashian wrangling.
It’s the first day of the Rome international film festival. In Rome, people are running through the streets drinking, partying, and waving their arms through the air. And then they heard about the film festival.
It is Julia Roberts' birthday too. Julia Roberts and Bruce Jenner are two different people, of course. One is a pretty woman who used to be married to Lyle Lovett — and the other is Julia Roberts.
Jimmy Kimmel Live!
Late Night with Jimmy Fallon
President Obama had dinner with a U.S. postal worker who won a contest to meet him. The mailman was like, “Wow, someone who takes longer to deliver than I do!”
It was a long meal. Every time Obama tried to pass the salt, it got rejected by Republicans.
Two lawmakers in New York have proposed a bill that would make it a felony to sell fake maple syrup and label it as the real thing. Or as one confused Occupy Wall Street protester put it, “We did it! What? This isn’t about syrup?”
There’s a movie theater here in New York that’s now serving alcohol. Or in other words, there’s finally a way to see Lindsay Lohan at the movies again.