Friday Oct 07 2011
Late Night Jokes Delivered to your Mailbox Daily!
The Tonight Show with Jay Leno
Unemployment is still at 9.1 percent. Well, 9.2 percent if you count Hank Williams, Jr.
China is now expected to surpass Japan as the 2nd richest country in the world. They could become the richest, but that’s only if we pay them the money we owe them, and that’s not going to happen.
Under Herman Cain’s 9-9-9 plan, everything would be taxed at 9 percent. Now, Rick Santorum says he has a better tax plan called 0-0-0. Oh, sorry, that’s his chances of becoming president.
There’s a proposal in Congress to allow rich people who feel they don’t pay enough income tax to voluntarily pay more. Economists say this could bring in as much as $75 a year.
Late Show with David Letterman
Sarah Palin won’t run for president. Who better to lead us out of the troubles of the world than a half-term governor from Alaska?
Palin said Paul Revere talked her out of running for president.
On the show “The Mentalist,” there’s a detective with heightened powers of observation. This guy is so good, he can tell the difference between Chris Christie and the Conan blimp.
Late Show Top Ten
Top Ten Signs You’re Watching a Bad Robot Movie
Robot only has ability to make popcorn
Instead of killing, evil robot hacks into people’s eBay accounts and orders stuff they don’t need
It’s not about fighting robots, but fighting rowboats due to a typo
Robots spend film sitting around smoking Newport 100s
Doesn’t include Ryan Gosling — how can any movie be good without his smoldering hunkiness?
Relies on offensive stereotypes like “Robots never pick up a check”
No No. 4, writer watching bad robot movie. What are the odds?
Robot can’t move more than three feet without pulling out its plug
Special effects look like this (video)
The robots rock ‘em but don’t sock ‘em
Jimmy Kimmel Live!
Andy Rooney announced that he’s retiring to spend more time with his family. His family announced that they’ll be going to work to spend less time with Andy.
When Andy Rooney was born, he was already 64 years old.
Andy Rooney is the closest thing we have to a real live Oscar the Grouch.
Late Night with Jimmy Fallon
Today President Obama met with the Chicago Bears championship team from 1985. When she heard about Bears in the White House, Sarah Palin was like, “Maybe I will run for president!”
YouTube has launched a politics channel so that people can easily find videos of the presidential candidates. Today they posted their first video, “Cat Winning a Debate Against Michele Bachmann.”
A man in New York was arrested for punching another guy at a karaoke bar because he didn’t like his singing. The man was charged with two counts of “doing what everyone else wanted to do.”
This week, MySpace revealed their new plan to focus mainly on music. While people revealed their plan to focus mainly on Facebook.