Wednesday Sep 23 2009
Late Night Jokes Delivered to your Mailbox Daily!
The Tonight Show with Jay Leno
Libyan leader Moammar Gadhafi talked at the U.N. today. He went on forever about Israel, the swine flu, and even the JFK assassination. Where was Kanye West to grab the microphone from him?
Gadhafi talked so long, even Joe Biden was like, “Enough! Enough!”
Terror alerts are back in the news. Earlier today the fed said they are issuing a new terror alert. They said terrorists are looking to hit successful entertainment centers . . . so the audiences at NBC are safe.
There’s a new book out about Barack and Michelle Obama’s marriage, and in it, it says that Michelle was very upset by all these drooling blondes that would rub up against her husband. She said one blonde was particularly suggestive and was rubbing up against him. Finally Michelle said, “Look Chris Matthews, get away from my husband.”
Libyan Leader Moammar Gadhafi was at the U.N. today, and he gave a speech that was extremely long, rambling, and filled with inappropriate comments. As soon as Gadhafi finished, Joe Biden came up and said, “Teach me, Master.”
When President Obama addressed the U.N. General Assembly today, Libyan leader Moammar Gadhafi applauded for him, but Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad refused to applaud. But the big surprise was when Kim Jong Il started the wave.
In a new book, former President Bill Clinton said he had an affair with Monica Lewinsky because he “cracked under pressure.” When asked what he’s doing this weekend, Clinton replied, “Cracking under pressure.”
Today, former Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin gave a speech in China. The topic of her speech was “Are you sure you’re not Japan?”
Late Show with David Letterman
Leaders from all over the world are here, at the U.N. They’re all very busy: French President Sarkozy is jogging . . . President Obama is playing a lot of basketball . . . Prime Minister Berlusconi is getting phone numbers at Hooters . . .
Yesterday President Obama brought together Israeli and Palestinian leaders. Undeniably it was awkward. They stood there and stared at each other. And then finally, after an uncomfortable period of time, they shook hands. It was like my wedding night.
Mahmoud Ahmadinejad gave a hate-filled speech. In all seriousness, I’d like to say a couple of words about Ahmadinejad — short and ugly.
Osama bin Laden was supposed to address the U.N. but he dropped out at the last moment due to mercury poisoning.
Late Show Top Ten
The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson
Jimmy Kimmel Live!
Late Night with Jimmy Fallon
Today, President Obama met with Japanese Prime Minister Yukio Hatoyama. Or as President Bush used to call him, “Mr. Miyagi.”
The Japanese prime minister wanted to thank Obama for all the money Japan got for the Cash for Clunkers program.
Tomorrow President Obama will become the first U.S. president to chair the U.N. Council. Meanwhile, Vice President Joe Biden became the first vice president to sit for six hours in a Brookstone massage chair.
Obama hosted a reception for world leaders at the Waldorf-Astoria. The party was going great until Hugo Chavez started doing karaoke.