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Thursday Sep 01 2011

The Tonight Show Starring with Leno

The White House agreed to move President Obama’s speech from Wednesday to Thursday because the Republicans have a debate scheduled for Wednesday. So the debate that no one is going to watch holds more weight than the speech no one is going to believe.

Obama caved again when “Real Housewives of New Jersey” called and said, “Our show is on at that time.”

Dick Cheney’s book is an inside look at what it’s like to be president — uh, vice president.



The Tonight Show Starring with Conan

Rerun



The Tonight Show Starring with Letterman

President Obama’s uncle was arrested for a DUI. His alcohol level was actually higher than Obama’s approval rating.

Obama’s approval rating is 38 percent. I’d kill for numbers like that.

Next week, Obama will unveil his new jobs bill. I’m sure that will sail right through.

Labor Day is when we celebrate our workforce. Do we still have a workforce?



The Tonight Show Starring with Letterman Top Ten

Unwind after his two-week vacation

A backyard barbecue with the guy who forged his birth certificate

Flip through Gadhafi's sexy photos of Condi

Resist cigarette cravings by chewing on charcoal briquettes

Hire goons to rough up Mitt Romney

Grill up some of Michelle's delicious kale paste

Update his resume

Hillbilly Handfishin'

Pretty much whatever the Republicans tell him he can do

Sit around bonfire reading scary passages from Dick Cheney's memoir



The Tonight Show Starring with Kimmel

Rerun



The Tonight Show Starring with Jimmy Fallon

After pressure from Republicans, President Obama moved his big jobs speech from Wednesday to Thursday night. Obama gave in when he realized something important: He could just TiVo “Jersey Shore.”

President Obama has declared that September is National Childhood Obesity Awareness Month. And if you’re looking for a way to celebrate, I recommend the “Mac n’ Cheese Big Daddy Patty” from Denny’s.

A new survey found that half of all American employees have faked a sick day. While the other half have just lied on a survey.

A new study found that thin people have an extra copy of certain genes. Meanwhile, fat people have an extra copy of the Denny’s takeout menu.


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