Wednesday Aug 31 2011
Late Night Jokes Delivered to your Mailbox Daily!
The Tonight Show with Jay Leno
President Obama’s uncle has been arrested on suspicion of drunk driving. Remember when the most embarrassing person in the president’s life was Joe Biden?
How sad is it for the uncle? He got thrown in jail and the only relative he could call for bail money is $14 trillion in debt.
The three crew members on the international space station may leave early because a rocket bringing supplies crashed. They have some food left, but it’s all in the mini-bar, and that’s really expensive in space.
Late Show with David Letterman
I’m feeling pretty good. I finally got myself weaned off the Weather Channel.
The show last night was so bad that the audience called Mayor Bloomberg and demanded to be evacuated.
Michele Bachmann is publishing her memoir. Why can’t we pray that away?
The CIA is hoping Moammar Gadhafi’s weapons don’t fall into the wrong hands. Weren’t they already in the wrong hands?
Late Show Top Ten
Top Ten Ways The Weather Channel Can Boost Its Ratings
More fun-shaped clouds
Local forecast on the eights, cage-fighting on the nines
Give hurricanes last names
Less weather; more Hillbilly Handfishin'
Have a live audience full of Canadians
Get a forecast wrong — lose a finger
Three words: 500-day forecast
Viewer voting determines each day's weather
Replace meteorologist Jim Cantore with Ashton Kutcher
The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson
Justin Bieber was in a car crash. He can drive?
Bieber is fine, but his Ferrari — wait, he has a Ferrari?
Bieber’s Ferrari was wrecked. The police described the scene as “adorable.”
Jimmy Kimmel Live!
Late Night with Jimmy Fallon
The Justice Dept is trying to block the merger between AT&T and T-Mobile. It’s only fair because AT&T keeps blocking the mergers between me and the people I try to call.
In a new interview, President Obama said Ben Franklin is the Founding Father he would most like to meet. Meanwhile, Joe Biden said that Panthro is the ThunderCat he would most like to meet.
Researchers found that your first decision is usually your right one. Then they were like, “Scratch that, the second decision — that’s the right one.”
Chick-fil-A is offering free breakfast for an entire week. Although if you eat breakfast at Chick-fil-A for an entire week, you’re going to pay a price.