The Tonight Show with Jay Leno

There’s a move to divide California into two states: the state of poverty and the state of bankruptcy.

The problem is coming up with a new name for Southern California. “New Mexico” is already taken.

President Obama says he will not give in on the debt ceiling even if it costs him his presidency. Well, that should make the Republicans fold.

According to a poll, if the election were held tomorrow, a no-name Republican would beat Obama. When Tim Pawlenty heard that, he said, “No-name Republican? That’s me.”

 

Late Show with David Letterman

Rerun

 

The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson

Ann Coulter canceled her appearance on Piers Morgan’s show at the last minute and now she’s banned her for life. I know, I was also like, “I don’t care.”

The movie that “Harry Potter” fans have been waiting for is finally here: “Winnie the Pooh.”

It’s so tough to get tickets for the new “Harry Potter” movie that Rupert Murdoch had to hack into MovieFone.

 

Jimmy Kimmel Live!

Rerun

 

Late Night with Jimmy Fallon

Pauly D from “Jersey Shore” apparently posted an ad on Craigslist for an intern. Yeah, it’s the only internship out there where you actually lose college credits.

Two Delta planes collided last night at the airport in Boston. The passengers were okay — except for having to pay Delta’s $50 collision fee.

That’s right, two Delta planes collided at an airport in Boston. Or as air traffic controllers put it, “Glad I wasn’t awake to see that one.”

I heard that Lindsay Lohan is mad that she wasn’t cast in the movie “Black Swan.” Although there’s still hope she might be cast in the sequel: “Grey Goose.”