The Tonight Show with Jay Leno

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Conan

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Late Show with David Letterman

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The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson

I could never have massive muscles. Jazzercise only takes you so far.

I used to run every day, but I would get distracted by the ice cream truck.

Bodybuilding is tough. You’ve got to train constantly, eat the right foods, and cover up the fact that you had a baby with the maid.

A lot of bodybuilders resort to steroids. I could never do that because needles scare me. But I’d consider them if they made them in chewable form, like the Flintstones Vitamins.

 

Jimmy Kimmel Live!

For Memorial Day, I barbecued Noah’s Ark. I had two of every animal.

Sarah Palin had dinner with Donald Trump in New York. The first thing she did when she walked into the restaurant was shoot the rodent off his head.

In an encouraging departure from Kimmel family tradition, my son was able to get a woman to go to the prom with him.

 

Late Night with Jimmy Fallon

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