Ex-convicts prepared the eggs for the White House’s Easter Egg Roll. It’s nice to see the White House reaching out to former members of Congress.
Donald Trump says he’s President Obama’s worst nightmare. That’s not true. Having to make a decision is Obama’s worst nightmare.
A lot of people are worried about the safety of America’s nuclear power plants. It’s important to remember that we’ve never had a full meltdown. We came close with Charlie Sheen, though.
There is a nationwide shortage of drugs for Attention Deficit Disorder. The FDA says they’re not sure how it happened. I guess somebody wasn’t paying attention.
A guy tried to hijack a plane to demand that he be taken to Libya. His second demand was for an extra pillow.
WikiLeaks has information about the people that were incarcerated at Guantanamo Bay. Many of them were charged with terrorism and conspiracy, and one person was actually charged with shoplifting a necklace.
Who’s excited about the royal wedding? I can’t tell if I don’t care or if I couldn’t care less.
I think we’re all more excited about the royal divorce.
Top Ten Apple Excuses
"It's not 'spying', it's 'iSpying'"
"So . . . you don't want us doing that?"
"Just downloaded the anti-spying app for only $9.99"
"Who doesn't like to be tracked like a wild animal?"
"I just wanted to know where you were 24 hours a day because I love you"
"Maybe you should be asking why Obama won't show his birth certificate" (This joke is sponsored by Trump for President 2012)
No No. 4 — writer Lee Ellenberg is home with "Royal Wedding Fever." Hey, that's not a real ailment!
"Relax, we were just taking your private information and selling it"
"Wanted to know where the party's at, yo!"
"That's nothing — we also take photos of you in the shower"
The White House Easter Egg Roll is an opportunity from kids all over the country to come to the White House and look for the president’s birth certificate.
Everyone knows that Santa Claus lives at the north pole, but no one cares where the Easter Bunny comes from.
St. Louis International Airport was hit directly by a tornado. They determined that tornadoes are no longer a danger, and now we can go back to being endangered by sleeping air traffic controllers.
President Obama hosted the annual White House Easter Egg Roll. It was a little awkward though. Donald Trump showed up and demanded to see each egg’s birth certificate.
Charlie Sheen said he would like to give Lindsay Lohan a hug and tell her everything will be alright. Wait, Charlie Sheen giving advice to Lindsay Lohan? That’s like — Charlie Sheen giving advice to Lindsay Lohan.
A new study found that Americans spend $1.2 trillion every year on stuff they don’t need. Or as Republicans call it, healthcare.