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Friday Apr 15 2011

The Tonight Show Starring with Leno

There’s a new iPhone app that will do your taxes for you. At this point, I don’t trust my iPhone to make a phone call.

Federal agents uncovered yet another sleeper cell. Not terrorists — air traffic controllers.

An air traffic controller in Reno allegedly fell asleep while a medical flight carrying an ill passenger was trying to land. Ironically, the patient was suffering from insomnia. What are the odds?

Pakistan says they are slowing down their hunt for bin Laden. Slowing it down? What is it, 10 years now? Could you go any slower?



The Tonight Show Starring with Letterman

Moammar Gadhafi is constantly surrounded by barbed wire and his inner circle refers to him as “papa.” Some news stories just hit too close to home.

You can now buy bacon-scented cologne. I found 50 jokes on this topic, and they all ended with “Kirstie Alley.”

Archaeologists believe they have found the remains of the first gay caveman. They found him in the 2nd row at a Bette Midler concert.



The Tonight Show Starring with Letterman Top Ten

Grande Red Eye

Bilateral Pink Eye

Frothy Misto

Varicella Zoster

Caramel Mocha

Pericardial Effusion

Trenta Soy Tazo

Calcific Bursitis

Doppio Macchiato Ristretto

Vivanno Smoothies/Vitreous Floaters (tie)



The Tonight Show Starring with Ferguson

A new study shows that one in three Americans lives near a nuclear power plant. And the other two live near a Kardashian.

I hate talking about music festivals because it makes me feel old. Being old also makes me feel old.

You know you’re getting old when you find the compilation albums at Starbucks a little too edgy for you.



The Tonight Show Starring with Kimmel

Rerun



The Tonight Show Starring with Jimmy Fallon

Rerun


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