The Tonight Show with Jay Leno

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Conan

Charlie Sheen called his former co-star Jon Cryer a turncoat, a traitor, and a troll. He then turned to a different page in his dictionary and called him a ukulele, an umbrella, and a unicorn.

Donald Trump denies that he’s pretending to run for president to gain publicity for his TV show. He says that anyone that says is this is clearly an “apprentice,” and they deserve to be fired on Thursday at 9:00.

In China, an annual St. Patrick’s Day parade has been canceled. Now the only question is, who’s going to break the news to Ming O’Sullivan?

Wal-Mart will start selling the iPad 2 in spring. Though in Wal-Mart, it will be sold as “one of them real fancy cookie sheets.”

 

Late Show with David Letterman

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The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson

Julianne Moore will play Sarah Palin in an HBO movie. Moore said she knows absolutely nothing about politics, and the producers said, “Perfect.”

NASA is short on cash and is shutting down some activities. It’s sad because space travel is inspiring. Who’s going to inspire the next generation — “Jersey Shore?”

Private companies will take over space travel. It’s only a matter of time before there’s a reality show in space.

 

Jimmy Kimmel Live!

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Late Night with Jimmy Fallon

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