Thursday Jan 27 2011
Late Night Jokes Delivered to your Mailbox Daily!
The Tonight Show with Jay Leno
As you know, just another huge snowstorm back east. It completely shut down Washington, D.C. It’s like the tea party’s dream come true. Mother Nature did what they couldn’t.
The storm helped break New York's record for January snowfall. In fact, Mayor Bloomberg told New Yorkers that they should stay at home. To which the New York Jets said, “Yeah, no problem.”
This just in: A little while ago the Illinois Supreme Court ruled that Rahm Emanuel can run for mayor of Chicago. The law in Chicago is very clear: Dead people can vote and live people can run.
Researchers at the University College of London report that indoor heating makes us fat. They say cold air helps us stay thin. Unless, of course, that blast of cold air you’re getting is from constantly opening the refrigerator door.
President Obama answered questions on YouTube today. He was asked 7,500 times about legalizing marijuana. And that was just from Chad in Portland.
Congress is proposing a bill that would give President Obama a kill switch that he could use to freeze all activity on the Internet if there were a national emergency. The kill switch goes by the top-secret name Microsoft Windows.
A storm hit the East Coast yesterday leaving 300,000 people in the Washington, D.C., area without power. The 300,000 people without power in Washington are called Democrats.
North Korea has opened an amusement park comparable to Disneyland. I'm not sure how long it's going to last because Kim Jong Il isn't tall enough to go on any of the rides.
Late Show with David Letterman
The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson
The president has named his new press secretary: a guy named Jim Carney. Because nothing says integrity like the name Carney.
It’ll go a little differently now. First he’ll take questions from reporters, and then he’ll guess their weight.
It was a year ago today that the iPad was unveiled. And a year ago that I said, “It’s just like a big iPhone.” To which everyone said, “But it doesn’t make calls.” And I said, “Exactly! Neither does the iPhone!”
There are all these protests going on in Egypt. I don’t know what they’re about, but it might have something to do with elections. Or that the streets in Cairo are so overcrowded there’s not enough room to “walk like an Egyptian.”
Jimmy Kimmel Live!
Ohio Congressman Dennis Kucinich has filed a lawsuit against the Congress cafeteria for damage done to his teeth after he ordered a sandwich wrap and bit into an olive pit. Dennis Kucinich biting into an olive pit is like a regular-sized person biting into a Bocce ball.
Did you know Kucinich means "kitchen" in lawn gnome?
Someone hacked the account of French President Nicolas Sarkozy. Or not really hacked. Someone asked for his password and he surrendered it.
Facebook says they're very concerned about this. And they are committed to making sure the only people who will be able to take and sell your personal information without your consent is them.
Late Night with Jimmy Fallon