Do you know that president Obama is into re-gifting? In fact, he just gave the Republicans the tax cuts he inherited from President Bush.

In an interview with V magazine, the beautiful actress Salma Hayek reveals that she came to the United States illegally. How many guys are rethinking their stance on illegal immigration now?

WalMart is now considering selling wine from vending machines. As a precaution, the machine requires that you swipe your drivers license first. If you're buying wine from a vending machine, what are the odds you still have a drivers license?

Researchers found the only known footage of the Titanic. So now there are videos of the three biggest disasters in history: the Titanic, the Hindenburg, and of course, last Monday’s New York Jets game.

Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg pledged to give away most of his money. He’s doing it by investing in Myspace.

According to WikiLeaks, the airing of American TV shows in the Middle East is helping to stop Islamic extremism. Would-be terrorists watch our reality shows and realize they’ve already won.

One of the most popular shows in Afghanistan is a police drama produced with American money. The show is called “Murder She Wasn’t Permitted to Write.”

It’s cold in New York City. At St. Patrick’s, they put antifreeze in the holy water.

Oprah was on Barbara Walters’ show. I was at home watching with Stedman and Jay.

Because it’s the holiday travel season and everyone is on edge, when the TSA agents have their hands in your pants, don’t be surprised if they leave a candy cane.

Only thing people notice about you is your frequent nosebleeds

You spend hours fascinated by automatic doors at the hardware store

Haven’t left the house since “Hee Haw” was canceled

You go to a television show and ask for a free shirt

You’re the only hooker in the world who hasn’t slept with Charlie Sheen

Rushed to the hospital multiple times for swallowing your Bluetooth headset

Your favorite hobby? Making Mexican bathtub cheese

You’ve appeared on the news, but only from the neck down on a story about obesity

Read lame lists of top ten jokes

Thought it was a good idea to text people photos of your deal

Wesley Snipes is starting his prison sentence for tax evasion. First, it was Charlie Sheen, now Snipes. It’s the curse of the movie “Major League.”

Thousands of people turned out to see President Obama’s Christmas tree lighting. I knew it would be beautiful. I watched it a couple days ago on WikiLeaks.

Maroon 5 played at the tree lighting. They were a big deal a couple years ago. Sort of like President Obama.

Apparently the president couldn’t decide whether to put white Christmas lights or red and green Christmas lights up. Why not just ask the Republicans? They’ll tell you what to do.

The Palins and the Gosselins are going camping together on “Sarah Palin’s Alaska.” I think they’ll get lost in the woods and have to eat one of the Gosselin kids.

Supporters of WikiLeaks founder Julian Assange have been targeting Sarah Palin’s accounts. They figured out her password, which was “Palin2012.” They got it on the first guess.

Wesley Snipes reported to federal prison for not filing income taxes. It seems odd that the punishment for not paying taxes is to go live and eat in a place paid for by taxes.

The Chinese government is very upset that a dissident is receiving the Nobel Peace Prize. They said that any countries attending the ceremonies will be insulting China. This could be the first was started by a peace prize.

WikiLeaks supporters have hacked into Sarah Palin’s credit card information after she criticized Julian Assange. Sarah said she's very upset, and hopes all suspicious charges to her account can be refundiated.

After hacking into Visa and MasterCard yesterday, WikiLeaks supporters now want to take down Amazon.com. After they do it, Amazon will suggest a list of similar sites they might also enjoy hacking.

A new study found that seniors can keep their minds sharp by doing puzzles and brain teasers. That’s why every morning, we stick my grandmother in a maze and make her find her way out.

A new report found that sales of jean leggings — also known as jeggings — doubled over the last year. Also doubling: the use of the phrase, “Wow, that person really shouldn’t be wearing jeggings.”