It’s my 30th wedding anniversary. I had a big surprise set up for my wife, but she found out about it on WikiLeaks.
President Obama announced a two-year pay freeze for all federal employees. This means the next time the TSA agent is reaching into your pockets, he’s looking for spare change.
A 19-year-old Somali man was arrested in Portland for allegedly planning to detonate a bomb at a Christmas tree lighting ceremony. His parents are devastated. He had such a promising career as a pirate.
Six in 10 Mexicans believe life is better in the United States. The other 4 out of the 10 already live here.
WikiLeaks released more than 250,000 secret documents, some of which refer to computer passwords for world leaders. The most shocking revelation: Kofi Annan’s password is “BieberFan9.”
Starbucks is reportedly making plans to begin selling beer and wine at their coffee shops. Apparently, Starbucks is having trouble finding sober people willing to pay nine bucks for a cup of coffee.
A snowball fight turned into a 500-person brawl in Germany. Out of habit, France immediately surrendered.
John Wayne’s wig was up for auction. He wore wigs in all of his movies after 1948, but made up for it with his cool walk.
Last month, Darth Vader’s suit went up for auction and it didn’t sell. They should try putting John Wayne’s wig on it.
If you’re thinking about buying John Wayne’s wig, let me make one thing very clear. Buying his wig will not make you tough like John Wayne.
I admire John Wayne as an actor, but I’m not interested in buying stuff that belonged to him. I prefer collecting personal items from celebrities that are still alive — which is stealing.
In the olden days, they didn’t have electric lights, so they would put ornaments on a witch and light her hair on fire.
Rep. Peter King says WikiLeaks presents a clear and present danger to our national security and should be branded a terrorist organization. Former Vice President Dick Cheney says we should waterboard the Internet.
The New York Post called the Broadway show based on “Spider-Man” a flop. I think the musical flopped because it’s a musical about “Spider-Man.”