Friday Nov 12 2010
Late Night Jokes Delivered to your Mailbox Daily!
The Tonight Show with Jay Leno
The major pilots unions are complaining about the use of full-body scanners and these pat-down techniques at the airport. Pilots say the searches make it almost impossible for them to smuggle in liquor.
President Obama said on "60 Minutes" that he wants to bring back the 8 million jobs we’ve lost. Today India said "no."
Obama’s overseas trip has been such a disaster that people in Kenya now claim that he has an American birth certificate.
The U.S. Postal Service announced today they lost $8.5 billion this year. They said they blame it on people using e-mail. And the fact that terrorists have switched to UPS.
Late Show with David Letterman
Sarah Palin has a new show. She takes viewers all around Alaska, and shows them where she water-boarded Levi Johnston.
A show with Sarah Palin? Did we run out of Kardashians?
John McCain makes an appearance on Palin’s show. He wasn’t scheduled, he just wanders through.
Lindsay Lohan has a Christmas album this year. It’s called “The 12 Steps of Christmas.”
The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson
I hope they build a bullet train in California. Not because it would cut down on traffic, but because it makes everyone look 10 years younger.
I’d like to have a model train, so that when I stand next to it, I could feel gigantic.
We have to take a break to class this place up. So we won’t be back.
Jimmy Kimmel Live!
Late Night with Jimmy Fallon
A lot of pest control companies are offering bedbug-sniffing dogs, but it turns out that they’re not very reliable. Either that or there’s a serious bedbug epidemic in other dogs’ butts.
Animal Control discovered a woman here in New York with 50 cats in her two-bedroom apartment. That’s insane. I mean, how can a crazy cat lady in New York afford a two-bedroom apartment?”
One of Apple’s oldest computers is expected to go for about $200,000 at an auction. It’s probably not the best purchase though, because you know they're just going to come out with a new oldest computer in three months.