The rescued Chilean miners were sent to the hospital for observation, except for the one with the wife and the mistress. He went straight to the witness protection program.
The White House said that the Democrats have “the momentum” going into midterm elections. Of course you have momentum when you’re going downhill fast.
Vice President Joe Biden says that President Obama has asked him to run with him in 2012. So on behalf of all late night hosts, thank you Mr. President.
For the first time in history, there were 100,000 home foreclosures in the month of September — 100,000 people were told they’re going to lose their house . . . well, 100,001 if you count Nancy Pelosi.
We couldn’t have picked a better night to be here. The entire balcony is full of Chilean miners.
My mom and I were watching the miners being rescued. Every time they saved one, we did a whiskey shot.
One miner’s wife found out he had a mistress. He’s a half-mile underground. Isn’t that where you want to be when that happens?
In a debate, Christine O’Donnell said, “What I think is irrelevant.” Thanks, I’ll remember that on Election Day.
Brett Favre was hit in the groin with a football during practice. He didn’t go to the doctor, he just sent a picture.
President Obama appeared on MTV for a town hall program. It was just before the new episode of “Jersey Shore.” Nothing says low approval ratings like opening for Snooki.
It’s a good idea for Obama to appeal to younger voters because he has to find people that are young enough to not be disappointed in his performance.
In 2008, John McCain was also trying to go after young people, but he thought young people meant anyone that’s still upset about the Spanish-American War.
Bill O’Reilly appeared on “The View” and Joy Behar and Whoopi Goldberg stormed off the stage. You would think people named Joy and Whoopi would be more cheerful and happy.
The 33 miners who were rescued in Chile decided it was too noisy up here and have gone back underground.
The miners were finally able to update their Facebook status to “not trapped in a mine.”
The Chilean miners are being offered free vacations. Their boss was like, “I Wish I could give you the days off, but you know . . . you just had 70.”
Vice President Joe Biden told The New York Times that President Obama has already asked him to be his running mate in 2012. Not only that — he said that Sarah Palin, Mitt Romney, and the rest of the Republicans also asked him to be Obama's running mate in 2012.
A couple got married at the Texas State Fair this week. It was so sweet, the bride was wearing something old, something new, something fried, and something dipped in chocolate.