Friday Oct 08 2010
Late Night Jokes Delivered to your Mailbox Daily!
The Tonight Show with Jay Leno
It looks like Christine O'Donnell will be dressing up like a U.S. senator this year because, apparently, it’s going to be her only chance.
The Obama administration announced that they deported a record 392,000 illegal immigrants in the past year. Most of those were deported on a Friday. This way they got to spend a wonderful weekend in Mexico with their families before returning on Monday.
It’s now being alleged that Lou Dobbs, Mr. anti-immigration, had illegal immigrants working for him. The good news is, he's now qualified to run for governor of California.
According to the National Institute of Health, as people age, their brains respond less strongly to rewards. They say older people become less excited when they win something. Whoever did this study has never seen a bingo game.
Late Show with David Letterman
Domino’s Pizza is testing a breakfast pizza. Big deal, single guys have been eating pizza for breakfast for years.
Carl’s Jr. is selling a foot-long burger. You may know it better as a meatloaf.
The Senate has ordered that television commercials must not be too loud. Now, how about getting us out of Afghanistan?
The presidential dog, Bo, is behaving like his owner. He’s blaming all of the country’s problems on Bush’s dog.
Late Show Top Ten
Top Ten Things You Should Know About Kim Jong Un
“People” magazine named him Sexiest Kim Jong Alive
At the age of 9, he was taller than his father
Enjoys wearing plaid shirts
Throws left, tortures right
Has skeletons in his closet — not secrets, actual skeletons
Says he’s super-psyched and ready to bring it
Was a finalist to replace Max Weinberg as Conan’s band leader
Has a rock-hard set of abs, which he calls “The Detonation”
Wants to convert the Yongbyon nuclear facility to a Cheesecake Factory
Currently dating Lindsay Lohan
The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson
The Waldorf Astoria in New York is the latest place to be infested with bedbugs. The bedbugs at the Waldorf Astoria are fancy. When they bite you, they lift up their pinkies.
Bedbugs were also found in government buildings in Washington D.C. I can’t believe they have to deal with those blood-sucking pests. Poor bedbugs.
The movie “Secretariat” is directed by the writer of the movie “Braveheart,” so he has experience working with animals.
“Secretariat” actually got his own postage stamp in 1999. And coincidentally, he was also the glue on the back of it.
Jimmy Kimmel Live!
Late Night with Jimmy Fallon
A record number of couples are getting married on Sunday, because the date will be October 10, 2010, or 10/10/10. And if the date 10/10/10 is the reason you got married, good luck with your upcoming divorce on 11/11/11.
Rihanna revealed this week that she texts Lady Gaga before major events to make sure they don’t wear the same outfit. Can you imagine that conversation? It’s like, “Hey Gaga. Are you wearing the blue satin dress tonight or are you gonna wear the cold-cut platter from Blimpie?”
I heard that Ryan Seacrest is planning to launch his own cable network. First, Oprah comes out with a cable network just for women. Then Ryan Seacrest comes out with a cable network just for women.
President Obama has decided not to sign a bill that would make it difficult for homeowners to fight foreclosure. Man, why is Obama all of a sudden so sensitive about people being kicked out of their House? Oh yeah, sorry.