Tuesday Oct 05 2010
Late Night Jokes Delivered to your Mailbox Daily!
The Tonight Show with Jay Leno
The economy is so bad, Justin Bieber had to take a factory job in China.
Christine O’Donnell has a new campaign ad where she says she’s not a witch. Nancy Pelosi was furious. She said, “Hey, that’s my slogan.”
“The Flintstones” is celebrating its 50th anniversary. Do you know the name of the car Fred Flintstone had to stop with his feet? It was called a Toyota.
After years of delay, it looks like they’re going to make the movie “The Hobbit.” So, congratulations to Snooki. Nice to see her working.
Late Show with David Letterman
It’s a good thing the Times Square bomber got life in prison because he’ll never get a parking spot on Broadway again.
Osama bin Laden keeps releasing audio tapes to show that he’s still relevant. Really? Audio tapes? How about an iPod download?
They say bin Laden keeps making these tapes to prove he’s still alive. It’s the same reason I do this show.
Late Show Top Ten
Top Ten Bad Campaign Commercial Opening Lines
"Let me just say, voting for me would be a dreadful mistake"
“I'm Vince and this is my sock puppet, Todd"
"America's best days are way, way, way behind us"
"Before we get into politics, I'd like to say a few words about Levitra"
"I stand before you naked as the day I was born"
"My campaign platform is simple: Gym, tan, laundry"
"I'm wanted by the feds"
"Hi, I'm 35, single, and looking to mingle"
"You people can kiss my butt"
The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson
The Nobel Prize is given out by a mysterious group called “Scandinavians.”
They give a prize for medicine, for physics, and for comedy variety.
The Nobel Peace Prize is like the Oscar for Best Picture. The prize for science is like the Oscar for sound editing.
Jimmy Kimmel Live!
Late Night with Jimmy Fallon
Christine O’Donnell released a commercial in which she says, "I’m not a witch." That’s pretty good, though not as effective as her opponent's slogan, "I'm not Christine O'Donnell."
Cesar Millan, the Dog Whisperer, is criticizing President Obama for not properly training his dog, Bo. Apparently, Bo still doesn't respond to simple commands such as "sit," "stay," and "fix the economy.”
The NFL fined Titans defensive coordinator Chuck Cecil $40,000 for flipping officials off on Sunday. When Cecil was asked to comment on the fine, he said, "Well, let's just say it's up to $80,000."
EA Sports released a new version of the video game "NBA Jam" that features Obama, Biden, Bush, and Cheney. Bush and Cheney play the first half, then Obama and Biden try to come back from a 6 billion point deficit.