Friday Sep 24 2010
Late Night Jokes Delivered to your Mailbox Daily!
The Tonight Show with Jay Leno
Forbes has come out with its list of the richest 400 people in America. No. 1 was Bill Gates. No. 2 was Tiger Woods' wife.
Kia is recalling their logo on their hoods. Not because they injure anyone, it's just that the owners are embarrassed to have it on there.
President Obama's approval rating dropped again. Things are so bad, Muslims are accusing him of being Christian.
Sixty percent of Americans ages 18-25 couldn't identify Col. Sanders in the KFC logo. In fact, more than half of respondents thought it was Brett Favre.
Late Show with David Letterman
Mayor Bloomberg is outlawing smoking in Central Park. Murder is still OK, but you can’t smoke.
Mahmoud Ahmadinejad is in New York, along with all of the other tiny dictators.
Sarah Palin was considering running for president, until she heard it was a four-year deal.
Late Show Top Ten
Top Ten Things Mahmoud Ahmadinejad Likes About America
Bedbug infestation reminds him of home
Due to exchange rate, tan windbreakers have never been so affordable
"A new 'Hawaii Five-0'? We just got the old one!"
Not waking up with his underpants full of sand
"Dancing Dog? Now I've seen everything"
Those laugh-out-loud Katherine Heigl rom-coms
Between Paris and Lindsay Lohan, someone's always up for a party
"I thought I was nuts ‘til I heard Glenn Beck"
The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson
Actress Kelly McGillis married her girlfriend. I can’t believe the star of “Top Gun” is gay. And so is Kelly McGillis.
Jay Leno wrote a children’s book. It was called, “Good night, Conan.”
Owls are very interesting creatures. They’ve got tiny bodies and giant heads and they vomit out little hairy pellets. They’re exactly like the cast of “Desperate Housewives.”
It’s not true that owls can turn their heads around 180 degrees. Unless they’re possessed by Satan.
Jimmy Kimmel Live!
The head of CNN was fired, as CNN’s ratings have been going down because they keep reporting . . . news.
Lindsay Lohan was ordered back to rehab until Oct. 22, which would give her almost no time to find a Halloween costume.
It was a big news event. I mean, this is the girl from the “Herbie the Lovebug” remake.
Late Night with Jimmy Fallon
It’s National Punctuation Day. I don’t know what the big deal. Is. About. Punctuation.
House Minority Leader John Boehner says he has never been in a tanning bed and that he gets his dark complexion from his mother. Either he’s lying or Snooki’s a lot older than she’s telling us.
Bristol Palin has denied rumors that she’s dating The Situation from “Jersey Shore.” If The Situation becomes Sarah Palin’s son-in-law, he’d still have the most normal name of any boy in the family.
Facebook was down briefly for the second day in a row. I had to walk around in person going, “Like. Like. Like.”