Thursday Jul 22 2010
Late Night Jokes Delivered to your Mailbox Daily!
The Tonight Show with Jay Leno
Former Illinois Gov. Rod Blagojevich did not testify at his trial. He wanted to testify, but he sold his seat at the court for $100,000.
Happy birthday to former Sen. Bob Dole. He’s 175 years old today.
Have you guys seen this show “White House Apprentice?” It’s a lot like the other “Apprentice,” but on this one, when the boss fires you, he offers you your job back a day later.
Britney Spears has been giving her support to Mel Gibson throughout the scandal, which is ironic because Mel’s latest tape is called, “Oops, I did it again.”
Late Show with David Letterman
Scientists have been looking at the Mona Lisa painting and they found that it has 30 layers of paint. The only other person I know like that is Betty White.
Larry King is being replaced by Piers Morgan. Morgan is preparing to fill Larry’s shoes, so today he married and divorced three times.
June was the warmest month in the history of the planet. Of course, it will be even warmer where Mel Gibson is going.
Jeb Bush is running for president, and his campaign slogan is, “I’m going to finish what my brother started.”
Late Show Top Ten
Top Ten Signs You're Obsessed With Facebook
You created a profile for your kitty
If someone rejects your friend requests, you show up at their house and tearfully demand why
You've been diagnosed with something called "Facebook Butt"
If you don't update your page for 10 minutes, friends assume you died
Named your daughter Gracebook
Only photos on your Facebook page are of you uploading photos to your Facebook page
No No. 4 — writer on Facebook — do you see the irony?
When wife sneezes, you change your status update to "Gesundheit"
If computer freezes, you start swearing like Mel Gibson
You spent last Saturday night "poking" yourself
The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson
Comic-Con starts today. It’s a four-day celebration of science fiction and comics. Every year, an army of geeks descends on San Diego.
If you live anywhere other than San Diego and you need a computer fixed, you’re screwed.
Right now, jocks are wandering around San Diego wondering, “Who should I give a wedgie to?”
They’re expecting 120,000 people and three of these people will be female.
Jimmy Kimmel Live!
If Tropical Storm Bonnie turns into a hurricane, it can turn the Gulf of Mexico into a giant salad spritzer — and we are the salad.
A huge oil spill, a sneaky oil company, and a hurricane — I don’t like it. There are too many villains, it’s like “Spiderman 3.”
You can be proud to be a nerd at Comic-Con. When I was a young nerd, we knew our place — in our parents’ basement eating Bugles and playing Risk.
Facebook now has 500 million users. The previous record holder was heroin.
Late Night with Jimmy Fallon
President Obama and his family are going on vacation in the Gulf Coast next month. Of course, the Gulf Coast is a lovely place to sit back and relax — just ask BP.
Starbucks’ profits went up 37 percent in the third quarter of this year. They say they owe the increase to their new strategy of opening a Starbucks inside an existing Starbucks.
Parents in Georgia want a middle school to ban T-ball after a 14-year-old boy hurt his shoulder in gym class. In a statement, the parents said, “School should be a place where kids can learn and safely grow up into wussies.”
Yesterday in France, there were no injuries when a passenger train hit a truck full of shampoo. However, some of the passengers are believed to be in critical conditioner.