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Wednesday Jun 30 2010

The Tonight Show Starring with Leno

Rerun



The Tonight Show Starring with Letterman

It was so nice out today that teenage vampires were out walking around in the daylight.

Sunday is July 4, which means three days of drinking responsibly.

Larry King has announced his retirement, saying he wants to spend more time with his wives.

Larry has really been trying to slow down since his recent death.



The Tonight Show Starring with Letterman Top Ten

He's 126 years old

High definition format scared children and the elderly

Didn't mean to retire, he forgot he still had a show

Wants to focus on his second career as a barn owl

It's not easy juggling a television show, marriage, and an affair with your wife's sister

Suspender rash

Lately, introduces every guest as "The lovely Ms. Carol Channing"

Couldn't handle pressure of coming up with questions like "What's your favorite lunch meat?"

Well, there's this (videotape of Larry King stuttering trying to say "E. coli")

He needs time to plan his divorce



The Tonight Show Starring with Ferguson

BP executives are saying that Hurricane Alex has rendered their clean-up efforts completely useless. In other words, nothing has changed.

Larry King announced his retirement. In my eyes, Larry King really is a king. But I also think Wolf Blitzer is a wolf.

America’s not only losing a broadcaster, but I’m also losing one of the few people I do an impression of.



The Tonight Show Starring with Kimmel

Sunday is July 4, the day we declared independence from the British and their petroleum.

If you’re planning to use fireworks this year, it’s important to check local laws and figure out how you can get around them.

The third “Twilight” movie opened at midnight. They were predicting it to be the most successful vampire movie since “Love at First Bite 2.”

For the first time since the tournament began, there was no World Cup action today, which turned out to not be much different from when there is World Cup action.



The Tonight Show Starring with Jimmy Fallon

Rerun


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