We have Mother’s Day this weekend, but it’s also National Cheeseburger Month. That shows you our priorities in this country — moms get one day, cheeseburgers get a whole month.
Although it seems like nothing is getting accomplished in the Gulf, and the situation is getting worse every day, the government has been involved in the clean-up effort since the beginning. They said that, as proof of their involvement, nothing has really been accomplished and the situation is getting worse every day.
The stock market crisis is so bad that Wall Street is starting to look like Wal-Mart Street.
The crisis in Greece is being blamed on overspending, but the government claims that the spending is necessary to stimulate the economy, according to Greek President Barack Obama-opolous.
Welcome to New York City, where there’s something happening every minute and most of it goes unprosecuted.
The Arizona government is very defensive about its new immigration law. They are being accused of just looking for Mexicans. The Arizona government says, “No, earlier today we were rounding up Germans.”
This oil spill in the Gulf is affecting everybody. In fact, when I went to lunch this weekend and ordered the sea bass, they asked if I wanted it regular or unleaded.
This is going to be the biggest environmental disaster ever. You know what that means? More bonuses.
Top Ten Pieces Of Advice For Being A Good Mother
Even if you're not, say you're proud
Don't stare at the hairpiece
Kids love construction sites
Lower your expectations
When your child won't stop crying, say, "Enough, David, you're 63!"
To keep baby company, how about a raccoon?
If he learns to shoot pool, he'll never go hungry
There's no better babysitter than television
No matter how much he begs, don't go to the prom with him
Once they're 18, they ain't your problem
Aren’t the standards for late night lower than they used to be? We’re here, so I’d say so.
“Iron Man 2” is opening this weekend. The bad guy is called “Whiplash.” That doesn’t sound very scary to me. What does he do, drive people around and then slam on the brakes?
Whiplash can only be defeated by one thing: the personal injury lawyer.
There’s speculation that the 1,000-point drop in the Dow may have been sparked by a typo, where someone entered “billion” instead of “million” on a trading order. Economists are saying a single letter hasn’t caused this many problems since the letter “Dubya.”
There’s a doctor in Britain who lets his patients watch their favorite DVD during surgery to distract them, and avoid the need for general anesthesia. Here's how it works: it doesn't.
This week is the 50th anniversary of the birth control pill. At least, I’m like, 99 percent sure it is.
A “Planet of the Apes” prequel is coming out next summer called “Rise of the Apes.” It will cover the apes' growth, evolution, and the summer they spent together at a house on the Jersey Shore.