Friday Apr 30 2010
Late Night Jokes Delivered to your Mailbox Daily!
The Tonight Show with Jay Leno
This oil spill in the Gulf keeps getting worse and worse. They’re calling it the greatest threat to New Orleans since George Bush was president.
They sent specialists down there to start a controlled fire on the ocean to burn the oil off. That’s how you know when things are bad, when the ocean on fire is an improvement.
Arizona has passed the strictest immigration bill in history. Police can now ask for your papers if they see you coming out of El Pollo Loco.
A lot of people are boycotting Arizona Iced Tea, which is made in New York City. But that’s irrelevant to the boycott organizers — Snapple.
Late Show with David Letterman
It’s prom time. One year, I had to take my cousin to the prom. I don’t know who was more embarrassed — him or me.
Timothy Geithner has presented a new $100 bill. He wanted to show it to us before we send them all to China.
Stephen Hawking says that if we try to contact aliens from outer space, they may try to colonize the planet. Didn’t Starbucks already do that?
On this day in 1789, George Washington was sworn in as first president of the United States. He is the only president that has never blamed the problems of the country on the previous administration.
Late Show Top Ten
Top Ten Other Revelations in the Laura Bush Book
Keeps slim by wrasslin' gators
As a little girl dreamed of one day marrying America's worst President
Required extra staffers to cut up President's pretzels
Thought she was marrying Jeb
That poisoning incident? Turns out George ate a Duraflame log
George still works on his cheerleading routines
At their house, it's always happy hour
George loves M&M’s because he thinks they have dubyas on 'em
George W. Bush is so dumb, he once got tangled in a cordless phone
Keeps the "Mission Accomplished" banner above the bed
The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson
The villain from “Nightmare on Elm Street” is Freddy Krueger, who kills you in your dreams. That’s impossible, but it is possible to have your dreams killed — it happens to me here every night.
Freddy Krueger doesn’t scare me that much. He’s a dude with gloves and a hat. He’s basically Mr. Peanut in a bad mood.
I like when characters in scary movies have scary names like Count Dracula, Hannibal the Cannibal, or Mel Gibson.
Jimmy Kimmel Live!
Late Night with Jimmy Fallon
Wired.com has identified the 21-year-old man in California who found a prototype of the new iPhone, then sold it to Gizmodo for $5,000. They say the case should inspire an exciting episode of the new series, "Law & Order: Nerd Alert.”
There’s a new nasal spray that uses the “cuddle hormone” oxytocin to help men feel more affectionate. I thought I was clearing my sinuses with Afrin, and I ended up spooning with my pharmacist.
Georgia passed a new measure that requires adults in pickup trucks to wear a seatbelt. Not only that, they also have to use a cup holder for their beer.
The Arizona Senate passed a bill making it illegal for a person to “intentionally” create “a human-animal hybrid.” And right afterward, one farmer was like, "Define intentionally."