Friday Apr 02 2010
Late Night Jokes Delivered to your Mailbox Daily!
The Tonight Show with Jay Leno
Rerun
Late Show with David Letterman
This Sunday is Easter, the holiest day in Christianity. We celebrated by feeding the kids chocolate. Because honestly, if there’s one thing the kids need, it’s more sweets.
Today, crack dealers here in New York City switched to Peeps.
This year, the White House Easter egg hunt was canceled because last year, when they had the Easter egg hunt, a couple of kids stumbled into Dick Cheney’s torture chamber.
I like the new tiny, gas-saving cars. They’re smaller and they have fewer seats, sort of like the Democrats in November.
Late Show Top Ten
Top Ten Signs Your Baseball Team Isn't Ready For The Season
10
Your spring training begins in June
9
Only thing they tested positive for was cheese fries
8
Outfielders following Justin Bieber on tour
7
Manager spends hour after hour practicing free throws
6
You get winded standing for the national anthem
5
When writers compare clean-up hitter to Ruth, they mean Ruth Bader Ginsburg
4
Instead of giving signs, third base coach screams, "Bunt, you fat bastard!"
3
Tomorrow, whole team scheduled to undergo Tommy John surgery
2
General manager used payroll trying to build a hot tub time machine
1
Your star pitcher defected to Cuba
The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson
It’s a big weekend for Apple, because the iPad comes out, although its thunder was stolen last week when Ricky Martin did the same thing.
“Clash of the Titans” does look pretty good because it’s based on Greek mythology and has the Greek icons: Zeus, Mount Olympus, the big fat weddings.
The iPad comes out on Saturday and then on Sunday, the improved iPad comes out, which you will actually want to buy.
Jimmy Kimmel Live!
Rerun
Late Night with Jimmy Fallon
Under President Obama's new airport security plan, anyone traveling to the U.S. will be stopped if they match the description of a potential terrorist. Wait, we weren’t doing this already?
Last night, President Obama gave a speech at the Boston Opera House. It was a long night, because you know what they say about the opera: It ain’t over ‘til the fat lady gets lectured on her eating habits by Michelle Obama.
President Obama unveiled a new gas mileage program that he says is “like taking 58 million cars off the road for an entire year.” Or as Toyota calls it, “business as usual.”
Ford is teaming up with Microsoft to create an all-electric car called the “Microsoft Hohm.” That’s smart. Because if there’s one company that knows how to avoid crashes, it’s Microsoft.