Thursday Mar 25 2010
Late Night Jokes Delivered to your Mailbox Daily!
The Tonight Show with Jay Leno
Secretary of Defense Robert Gates has announced that the military will ease up on their enforcement of the “Don’t ask, don’t tell” policy. Homosexual behavior will still be against the rules, but nobody will actively enforce it. Kind of like the ethics rules in Congress.
Osama bin Laden has reportedly released a new audio tape on Al-Jazeera. Apparently he is really furious. He had Kansas going all the way to the tournament.
Congress is getting ready to pass another jobs bill, which means we don’t get any jobs, we just get the bill.
A new study shows that 1-in-7 people does not own a cell phone. The technical term for these people: grandparents.
Late Show with David Letterman
The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson
Jimmy Kimmel Live!
Another mistress has surfaced for Jesse James, husband of Sandra Bullock. That makes three now. Still well behind Tiger, but a healthy number nonetheless.
Defense Secretary Robert Gates has ordered the armed forces to initiate changes to their policy of discharging homosexuals. They’ve changed from the “Don’t ask, don’t tell” policy, to the “If you think he’s gay, look away” policy.
This means the only place gay people can be legally thrown out is “Project Runway.”
Some Democrats are accusing Sarah Palin of encouraging violence against Democratic members of Congress. One of her advisors has said that Palin has been quite vocal in her condemnation of the violence. Tell that to the 100 moose, 40 caribou, and eight raccoons that she shot last year.
Late Night with Jimmy Fallon
After the healthcare bill passed, more than 10 Democrats received threatening calls and faxes. And really, what's scarier than a threatening fax? "I'm . . . going . . . to . . . kill . . . you.” Now I’m out of toner.
Michelle Obama is going to be honored for her anti-obesity campaign at Nickelodeon’s “Kids’ Choice Awards,” hosted by Kevin James. Seriously — fighting obesity at a show hosted by Kevin James? That’s like fighting adultery at a show hosted by Jesse James.”
A seventh grade teacher in California was arrested for teaching while drunk. Which is why an entire Earth Science class now thinks hurricanes are formed when rum collides with lime juice, passion fruit, and crushed ice in a hot pink souvenir cup from Señor Frog’s.
At around 7 a.m. today, Youtube went down. It was awful; in order to get my morning fix, I had to teach my own cat how to play the piano.