Tuesday Nov 24 2009
Late Night Jokes Delivered to your Mailbox Daily!
The Tonight Show with Jay Leno
President Obama just had his first official state dinner in honor of India’s Prime Minister Singh. Pretty smart of the Obamas — not only do they get to have a state dinner for an ally, all night long they get free tech support.
By a vote of 5-2, the Georgia Supreme Court has ruled that teachers may legally have sex with students 16 or older if the sex is consensual. Here's what makes matters worse: Since it’s Georgia, a lot of these 16-year-olds are still in the third grade.
There was a story on TV last night about the Louisiana Purchase. Remember how Congress bought Louisiana? Not the whole state, just Sen. Mary Landrieu.
There's been a lot of criticism over Sen. Mary Landrieu trading her vote on healthcare for $300 million. Glenn Beck called her a high-class prostitute, and Rush Limbaugh called her the most expensive prostitute in the history of prostitutes. And Eliot Spitzer called and asked for her number.
Conan
Tonight at the White House, President Obama is hosting a state dinner for the prime minister of India, and to make the prime minister feel welcome, the menu will include curry, chutney, and other Indian foods. And to make everyone else feel welcome, the dessert will be Tums, Mylanta, and Imodium AD.
Some Republicans are angry that Sen. John McCain wasn’t invited to the state dinner. In response, the White House said, “Of course we didn’t invite John McCain — the dinner was at 8 o’clock at night.”
Earlier today at the White House, President Obama spent two hours in private talks with the prime minister of India. Obama explained his willingness to work on trade issues and the Indian prime minister explained how to block Internet pop-ups.
The Georgia Supreme Court has ruled that a riding-lawnmower is not considered a motor vehicle. The ruling was reported in the Journal of Questions That Are Only Raised in Georgia.
Late Show with David Letterman
New York is being overrun with coyotes. This is how bad it is: One of them attacked and ran off with Mayor Bloomberg.
The coyote problem is bad. Officials are warning Donald Trump to keep that thing on his head indoors.
Khalid Sheikh Mohammed is going to be tried in New York. He’s a bad guy. A terrorist. He looks like every building superintendant I’ve ever had.
He looks like the guy who doesn’t get buzzed into the jewelry store.
Late Show Top Ten
Top Ten Surprises At Tonight's White House State Dinner
10.
Served nothing but microwave pizza and tater tots
9.
Al Gore burst in to warn that the ice sculpture was melting
8.
Security screamed, "That's not an illegal immigrant you're yelling at, that's the Indian prime minister, Mr. Dobbs"
7.
Evening's entertainment — Dane Cook
6.
The shocking open-mouth kiss between Sen. Chris Dodd and Adam Lambert
5.
Because of the economy, this was also the White House Christmas party
4.
President kept yelling, "Hillary, more ice water for table 10!"
3.
Corn muffins were served by a monkey
2.
Obama disappeared right as the check arrived
1.
Levi Johnston jumped out of the damn cake
The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson
Rerun
Jimmy Kimmel Live!
Rerun
Late Night with Jimmy Fallon
South Carolina is having a 48-hour tax holiday on gun purchases. No taxes on guns. Because one thing you want right after people have been drinking and arguing with their families is gun purchases made easier.
President Obama says that he hopes to raise American students from the middle to the top of the pack in science and math. Although the chances of that happening are like 9 in 1.
The U.S. deficit set a record this year: $1.4 trillion. We’re teenagers when it comes to money. We want China to drop us off at the mall with a credit card and come back at 8 o’clock.