Thursday Feb 11 2010
Late Night Jokes Delivered to your Mailbox Daily!
The Tonight Show with Jay Leno
Late Show with David Letterman
Welcome to Vancouver. Walking to the show tonight, I did a triple lutz.
The bad news is: Washington D.C. is totally shut down. And the good news is: Washington D.C. is totally shut down.
The president of Iran said today that they are enriching uranium, but not for nuclear weapons. Well, that’s good enough for me.
Happy birthday to Sarah Palin. John McCain did something very nice. He bought her a Toyota.
Late Show Top Ten
Top Ten Surprises In 'The Wolfman' Presented By Benicio del Toro
Ten percent of my dialogue is (makes growling sound)
Wolfboy is bar mitzvahed and becomes a wolfman
Transformation into werewolf triggered by peanut allergy
To save money on fake blood and dummies, we actually killed people
It's about a tax attorney named "Greg Wolfman"
I don't know what this means, but they told me to say it's in 4-D
At the end of the movie, I realize I'm not a wolfman, I needed the Mach 3 razor
Based on a true story — well, everything except the wolfman part
My howling at the moon sounds like Regis singing
Town finally kills wolfman by giving him a new Toyota
The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson
Sarah Palin’s birthday is today. She remembered it by writing it on her hand.
She blew out the candles on her cake — well, not all of them. She blew out half of them and then quit.
The three drunkest cities in America: Fresno, Riverside, and whatever Mel Gibson is driving through.
Jimmy Kimmel Live!
It snowed in Texas today. Former President Bush threw a snowball at Laura and now he’s grounded for two weeks.
The federal government is still shut down but the good news for Washington D.C. is: no homicides for eight days. But there have been a number of drive-by snowballings.
The Iranian government announced that they are going to start their own national e-mail service as a way to build trust with the people. Because if there’s anyone you can trust with your e-mail, it’s the Iranian government.
Sarah Palin celebrated her 46th birthday today. Her family hung streamers from the walls of the igloo, which is not easy to do.
Late Night with Jimmy Fallon
Joe Biden was interviewed on Larry King last night and said some of Sarah Palin’s recent comments “are just too far out there,” he doesn’t “know where they come from.” Biden was like, "Who the heck is she, me?”
American Airlines could face a $10 million fine for safety violations. It’s a pretty big deal. In fact, Toyota’s calling it “the mechanical failure story of the year that people should focus on.”
Michelle Obama said that childhood obesity impacts national security because obesity is a common disqualifier for military service. That's great info for moms. "Honey, you have two choices: you can eat that donut and play video games or you can eat this salad and go to Iraq."
A new study found that the Reebok Classic is the most popular shoe worn by burglars. The second most popular shoe worn by burglars: yours.