Monday Feb 08 2010
Late Night Jokes Delivered to your Mailbox Daily!
The Tonight Show with Jay Leno
Congratulations to the New Orleans Saints for winning the Super Bowl. That's the best thing to happen to New Orleans since George Bush left office.
The Saints won 31-17 over the weekend, and there was a huge snowstorm in Washington with over two feet of snow. So it's true what people say, that the Saints would win when hell freezes over.
China and the United States have been locked in a series of trade disputes. President Obama said this week that China is putting the U.S. at a disadvantage. Of course U.S. exports are at a disadvantage, they're all made in China.
Dr. Conrad Murray was charged today with the death of Michael Jackson and he is headed to jail. He could lose his license. That's healthcare reform right there.
Late Show with David Letterman
I did some gambling this Super Bowl. I went to a tailgate party in a Toyota.
President Obama had a Super Bowl party. A lot of the Republicans attended, and I thought, “Now they care about New Orleans.”
Washington D.C. completely ground to a halt because of the huge blizzard. No activity, no signs of life, but really, how could you tell the difference?
It was so cold that the new senator from Massachusetts, Scott Brown, was actually wearing pants.
Late Show Top Ten
Top Ten Indianapolis Colts Excuses
“Should have waited until after the game to eat wings and drink beer”
“Relax, it’s the best of seven”
“Wanted to get home in time for ‘Undercover Boss’”
“Parking at victory parades is always such a hassle”
“Too much pre-game partying with Snooki and JWoww”
“Saints players were shoving us”
“Because of cutbacks, we only brought 12 guys”
“Oblong shape of ball made it quite unwieldy”
“Right, like God is going to let a team called the Saints lose”
“Peyton left early to tape a Gatorade commercial”
The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson
Now that I’m here, you can look forward to an hour of crushing disappointment.
Toyota has recalled 300,000 of the Prius Hybrids. The engineers realized there was a problem when Prius drivers weren’t able to stop — talking about how great the Prius is.
The Super Bowl is the most watched program in history, which is not good news if you’re a member of the Indianapolis Colts.
They’ve got the Super Bowl fever this week and then, next week is Mardi Gras. So for the next month, New Orleans will be in a wild, uncontrollable bender. They’re changing the city mascot to Mel Gibson.
Jimmy Kimmel Live!
Late Night with Jimmy Fallon
There’s been some rough weather on the East Coast. The snowstorm left more than 300,000 people without power. Those people included many in Pennsylvania, Washington D.C. and Peyton Manning.
On Saturday, Sarah Palin looked at notes written on her hand during a speech at the tea party convention in Tennessee. Oddly enough, she was reading, “Hi . . . I’m Sarah . . . Palin.”
I read that Tiger is planning to play in the Masters this April. Tiger said he’s just focused on winning another green jacket — while his wife is focused on receiving half of a green jacket.
There are rumors swirling that The New York Times is planning a “bombshell story” about Governor David Paterson that could ruin his election chances. Paterson couldn't believe it — he was like, "I still have election chances?"