Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger announced that California can save money by no longer incarcerating illegal immigrants and sending them to Mexico instead. Today, the immigrants had three words for Schwarzenegger: "I'll be back."
Today I had the Minnesota Vikings breakfast. It's five different kinds of turnovers.
A Holiday Inn in Great Britain is now offering human bed-warmers. These are people hired to lay in between the sheets to keep the bed warm. You know every hooker in town is saying, "Why didn't I think of that?"
The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson
Today is Australia Day and we're celebrating by releasing dingoes into the audience.
There are rumors that there is a John Edwards sex tape. People say it's twenty minutes of Edwards caressing and stroking, and that's just the part where he fixes his hair.
Today, Gov. Schwarzenegger proposed that we build prisons in Mexico to house the overflowing California inmates. Now it may sound scary, but it's not as scary as his last idea, which was sending a robot from the future to grope them.
Jimmy Kimmel Live!
Seven years ago tonight, I walked out on the stage for the very first time and almost immediately, someone in the audience threw up.
The Washington Post says the drug Botox could be the newest weapon used by terrorists. Botox is short for Botulinum Toxin and a speck of toxin the size of a grain of sand could kill a 150-pound adult. Fortunately, I haven't weighed 150 pounds since I was nine.
As a result, today, Nicole Kidman was placed on the no-fly list.
Late Night with Jimmy Fallon