Wednesday Jan 20 2010
Late Night Jokes Delivered to your Mailbox Daily!
The Tonight Show with Jay Leno
This rain in L.A. couldn’t have come at a worse time. Today was the day NBC was supposed to burn down the studio for the insurance money.
It’s hard to believe that President Obama has now been in office for a year and it’s incredible. He took something that was in terrible shape and brought it back from the brink of disaster: the Republican Party.
You know the question, “What can Brown do for you?” Apparently he can stop the healthcare plan.
President Obama called Martha Coakley and said, “Well, we can’t win them all.” Same thing he said after the New Jersey governor’s race, the Virginia governor’s race, the 2016 Olympic bid, and the Copenhagen climate summit. Between all of them, it’s been a rough couple of weeks.
Hello, I’m Conan O’Brien, and sorry if I’m a little late . . . I had a job interview at Lady Foot Locker.
I should have known something was up when NBC sent me that 2010 calendar that only went up to January.
Earlier this week in California, a goat somehow got into a strip club and caused $2,000 worth of damage. Then it got up on stage and earned all that money back.
Late Show with David Letterman
It's raining like crazy in L.A. and there's flooding everywhere. So I'm thinking to myself, "Whoa! It's a good thing Conan is getting sandbagged."
They say that Scott Brown's election could kill healthcare, and I'm like, "Thank God," because don't we love our sky-high medical bills?
The Salahis testified before the Homeland Security committee. They weren't supposed to be there either.
Chrysler is having a recall. You know, I recall Chrysler. Didn't they used to make cars?
Late Show Top Ten
The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson
Jimmy Kimmel Live!
I've had it with the bad weather we've had for . . . two days so far.
I don't look at this rain and these floods as a bad thing. I prefer to see it as all of Los Angeles turning into "Splash Mountain."
Today is President Obama's first anniversary. Traditionally, on the first anniversary, you're supposed to give paper, so I got him his birth certificate.
The cable news networks are talking about how much Obama's approval ratings have dropped, but rest assured, he is still the most popular African-American president in American history.
Late Night with Jimmy Fallon
Boston’s Logan Airport will soon be offering free Wi-Fi to all its passengers. And in related news, Newark airport will soon be offering flights.
There was a huge Senate race in Massachusetts yesterday, and Republican Scott Brown pulled off the upset. Now some Democrats are accusing their candidate, Martha Coakley, of running a lackluster campaign. They were especially confused by her campaign slogan, "I guess we can?"
Erroll Southers — Obama’s pick to head the TSA — withdrew his name because he performed an illegal background check on his ex-wife’s boyfriend. Still, that’s an improvement from the TSA’s normal procedure of not performing background checks.