Wednesday Jun 03 2009
Late Night Jokes Delivered to your Mailbox Daily!
The Tonight Show with Jay Leno
I’m learning a lot about "The Tonight Show." " The Tonight Show” first aired in 1954. It was a simpler time, when Americans actually watched NBC.
And I’m learning a lot about Los Angeles. When Los Angeles was founded, its original name was “El Pueblo de Nuestra Senora la Reina de los Angeles de la Porciuncula.” Lucky for us, that name was changed before Arnold Schwarzenegger moved here.
During an NBC news special, President Obama showed Brian Williams what tricks his new puppy Bo could do. In fact, Bo has already learned to sit up and beg for federal bailout money.
Speaking of President Obama, a new book claims that President Obama and his wife went through a rough patch in their marriage where their relationship was somewhat frosty. After hearing this, Bill Clinton said, “I’d kill for 'somewhat frosty.'”
Late Show with David Letterman
I picked up the phone today, and on the other end was my mother. And she said, "David. When did Jay dye his hair orange?"
Kim Jong Il has appointed his son, Kim Jong Un, as his successor. He is already announcing plans to turn North Korea into a disco.
Osama bin Laden has released a new tape. And people are asking, Well, how do we know it's a current tape? I'll tell you how you can tell — at the end of the tape, he wishes Jay luck on his new 10 p.m. show.
Late Show Top Ten
Top Ten Signs It's Time For Kim Jong Il To Retire
10. Recently spent 11 hours interrogating a coat rack
9. Instead of "dear leader" now insists on being called "Petey"
8. Hasn't stopped sobbing since Susan Boyle lost
7. Plans to spend summer following Coldplay
6. Eager to appear in new reality show, "I'm a murderous dictator . . . get me out of here!"
5. Hardly ever updates his erotic blog
4. Spends all day watching classic episodes of "Miami Vice" on Hulu
3. Hinting he wants to play quarterback for the Vikings
2. Republic already named his successor, Conan Jong Il
1. Having trouble getting his missile off the ground, if you know what I'm sayin'
The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson
Rush Limbaugh said today he might change his mind about Obama's Supreme Court nominee. Sounds like someone has a new prescription.
Also, Osama bin Laden released an audio tape today. And I'm thinking, "You're a bit behind the times, you know. Everyone Twitters these days."
Experts say it was recorded recently, because in it, he mostly rants about how Susan Boyle got robbed.
It was a very busy day for Obama. He was in the Middle East. But don't worry — Joe Biden's running the country.
Jimmy Kimmel Live!
Obama has his own reality show set in the White House: Twenty-five women and Brian Williams compete for Barack Obama's love.
The Obamas gave NBC news unprecedented access to the White House. Wherever Obama went, Brian Williams went. Last night we got to see Obama buying hamburgers.
Then they showered together a couple of times.
Late Night with Jimmy Fallon
President Obama used the word "shukran,' which is Arabic for "thank you," in response to a compliment from King Abdullah today. The compliment? "I appreciate that you didn't bring Joe Biden."
Actually Biden was in New York yesterday. He bought a designers suit at Barney's for $2,400. It's a lot, but it's high-quality material, made from the same fabric as his hair.
A new poll shows Americans have a more negative view of Muslims than they did back in 2002. That's because they never hear about any of the good bombings.