The games haven't even started yet and already there are people complaining about the horrible accommodations at the Sochi Olympic village. Toilets don't flush. The faucets spew discolored water. They say it's like being on a Royal Caribbean cruise.

The Olympics start Friday and Russia's implementing the most intensive security in Olympics history. The government will monitor every email. They will monitor every social media message and they will listen in on every phone call. In fact, people are now comparing Russia to the United States. That's how bad it is.

Congratulations to the Seattle Seahawks. Today, they had their big Super Bowl victory parade. You see what the city did to make the parade move along faster? They put the Denver Broncos defense right in front of them.

Warren Buffett is now offering $1 billion to anyone who can fill out a perfect bracket in the NCAA basketball tournament. It is not a million, but a billion dollars. The odds of winning are nine quintrillion to one, just slightly less than the odds of the Lakers making the playoffs.

Today, the Olympic torch arrived in Sochi. But Vladimir Putin immediately put it out because he thought it was too flaming.

Yesterday, Red Hot Chili Peppers bassist Flea admitted the band faked playing during the Super Bowl. In his defense, so did the Broncos.

This week on board Justin Bieber's private jet, the pilots had to wear oxygen masks because of all of the pot smoke. They also had to wear ear plugs because Bieber was blasting his own music.

The Russians have spent $51 billion on the Olympics — $51 billion. With that kind of money the Yankees could buy themselves a mediocre player.

The Olympics are set to begin on Friday but construction crews in Sochi are still racing to complete work on everything from roads to hotels. When asked to explain the delays Vladimir Putin admitted that in retrospect it was a mistake to fire his construction foreman for being gay.

The Russians are not ready. You heard it here first. They are not ready for the Olympics. You know, I'm blaming it on Obamacare.

New Jersey Governor Chris Christie is indignant at the New York Times for its sloppy reporting about the Bridge-Gate scandal. The governor also took the opportunity to highlight a few other things he believes are sloppy: Meatloaf with gravy, nachos, barbecue ribs, meat-lovers pizza, buffalo wings, hot-fudge sundaes and chili dogs.

I heard the news that Clay Aiken from 'American Idol' is running for Congress. I'm very excited about this. This is fantastic. Do you know the material there will be for me if Clay Aiken becomes a congressman? I can come into work even later every day.

The Winter Olympics start Friday. But if you want to see people flipping end-over-end in a frozen wonderland, just watch people on the East Coast try and drive to work.

The weird thing is today happens to be national weatherperson's day. It's a real thing. It's strange that the blizzard fell on national weatherperson's day. I never knew that weathermen get their own day. They just get one day, though. As opposed to sharks, who get a whole week. This is because sharks possess an actual "skill."

These days, weathermen rely on technology more than ever. They are always telling us how accurate their Doppler 5000 radar is, which just reminds everyone that it's really the machine that does the forecasting. It is a human taking credit when a robot is doing most of the work.

In their hotel at the Sochi Olympics, the Canadian hockey team has to squeeze three players to a room. Even the bobsledders are like, "Isn't it a little cramped?" When you scare off all the gay people, interior design goes to hell.

You know, ticket sales have been slow for the Olympics in Sochi, mostly because the Olympics are in Sochi.

CVS is no longer selling cigarettes. They say, "It's the right thing to do for our customers and our company in their path for better health." I go to CVS all the time. If they want to promote better health, maybe they should stop selling Cheese Whiz, Circus Peanuts, Little Debbie jelly rolls and all the ingredients for meth.

Justin Bieber is still on a tear. Justin and a group of 10 friends were on a private jet. They harassed the flight attendants to the point where they had to hide in the cockpit. And they were smoking pot to the point where the pilots had to put on oxygen masks. The best part of the story is Justin's dad was on the plane smoking and harassing along with the rest of them. So for all the folks asking where the hell are this kid's parents: Now we know.