The Dating Scene: Sometimes Less Is More

There has been much research on first date dynamics.

From the tie between male identity construction and offers to pick up the tab to what types of first-date behaviors are likely to produce second dates.

And regarding traditional dating scripts, despite egalitarian claims, there has been little change over the years in terms of gender roles and expected behavior, making first date formats "highly predictable."

One concept rings true in all circumstances: on a first date, timing matters.

How long should a first date be?

Because first impressions are formed so quickly, the answer is a few hours maximum.

Here are some ideas.

Less Is More

Dating decisions involve location, time of day, and day of the week.

First dates might be easier to plan considering they are more likely to involve a meal or coffee rather than a long round of golf or an hours-long sporting activity.

But unlike years past, many first daters will choose coffee and conversation rather than a movie — which offers no opportunity to get to know each other, unless you prolong the commitment to include a meal before or afterward.

Low Key Is Comfortable

Many people are nervous before first dates.

They're concerned about their appearance and behavior, and desperately hope their dinner partner will laugh at their jokes.

In order to reduce discomfort, more casual meetings that anticipate casual clothing and conversation create less anticipatory anxiety due to lower expectations.

Meeting over your lunch hour at a trendy sandwich shop is less stressful than meeting for dinner, which usually means more formal clothing and a longer time commitment.

End the Evening With Anticipation

A few hours maximum gives you enough time to capture your partner's interest through desirable demeanor and comfortable conversation, ending your time together with a longing for the next opportunity to continue the chemistry.

That means skipping after-dinner drinks or other requests to prolong what was already an ideal evening.

Remember that you become less rather than more attractive the more you drink and the later it gets.

In addition, overindulgence leads to oversharing, and you want to maintain your date's interest in learning more about you the next time.

Hometown Advantage

Familiarity breeds contentment.

The best place to meet someone new in a comfortable environment where you feel safe and self-confident.

This can include familiar surroundings like your favorite neighborhood coffee shop where you know the baristas by name, or in an area of town where you are comfortable with the public transportation options or walking distance from your workplace.

Escape Route

If you are just re-entering the dating scene or otherwise wary of moving too quickly onto the dating scene dance floor, consider a meeting place with easy exit access.

Not that you plan on being rude by leaving suddenly, but it's never a bad idea to be able to get home quickly afterwards, either by choosing a time when there will be less traffic or selecting a location close to home — preferably with easy, free parking.

Also be attuned to when your date is ready for an escape as well.

Whether the explanation is another appointment or general disinterest, someone who is checking his watch or looking at the door might offer an easy ending for both of you.

Keep it Simple

A first date is not about catching a buzz or engaging in risky activity.

It's about spending time getting to know someone who might be a good match for you.

Slow and steady wins the race and wins the relationship of choice.

This article was originally published in Psychology Today, and is used with the permission of its author.

Wendy L. Patrick, JD, MDiv, Ph.D., is an award-winning career trial attorney and media commentator. She is host of "Live with Dr. Wendy" on KCBQ, and a daily guest on other media outlets, delivering a lively mix of flash, substance, and style. Read Dr. Wendy L. Patrick's Reports — More Here.