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OPINION

You Don't Have to Let a Breakup Ruin Your Holiday

You Don't Have to Let a Breakup Ruin Your Holiday
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Wendy L. Patrick By Thursday, 21 December 2023 10:30 AM EST Current | Bio | Archive

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There is never a good time for a romantic breakup; yet some times are harder than others.

One of those challenging times is right before the holidays, which may involve awkward changes of plans as you are no longer a "plus one," but flying solo.

And holiday breakups can leave suddenly single ex-partners uniquely susceptible to noticing holiday coupledom.

From ice skaters lovingly gliding hand-in-hand on a festive outdoor rink to potential paramours cozying up under the mistletoe at a neighborhood party, new singles are seemingly surrounded by evidence that they are the only ones alone for the holidays.

Newsflash: holiday breakups are untimely and uncomfortable, but more common than we think. If it happens to you, here are some ways to navigate the path to recovery, even in the swing of the season.

Healing Holiday Heartbreak

Unlike the popular storylines in Hallmark’s "Countdown to Christmas," not every real life romance has a happy ending.

Nicole R. Harake and William L. Dunlop (2020) examined relationship dissolutions, including which party initiated the breakup, in connection with romantic attachment tendencies in "Storying the Heartbreak."

Among other findings, across studies, they found that levels of resolution to be highest in self-initiated breakups, as compared to other-initiated breakups.

This is consistent with other research finding that parties on the receiving end of breakups (as opposed to initiators) experience them as more stressful, likely due to feeling less control over the situation.

So if one step along the road to recovery is regaining a sense of control, suddenly surprised singles who didn’t see the end coming will want to understand what went wrong, for future reference.

Such knowledge is power — not to resurrect the relationship, but for peace of mind.

After this information is acquired, however, and even if it is not, a suddenly-dumped partner should shake the dust off of his or her feet and move on.

Someone who is willing to suddenly abandon a relationship without any prior notice, especially right before the holidays, is best left behind.

Loving, caring relationships involve the comfort of communication, where both partners feel comfortable expressing dissatisfaction.

The Road to Recovery Through Reconnecting

Once you have begun to move on from the breakup, the next step on the holiday road to recovery is reconnecting.

Thankfully, especially during the holidays, there are plenty of social opportunities to reconnect during a season of celebrations.

If you go back and read all of the email announcements you usually ignored because you always had plans with your partner, you will find that especially during the month of December, there is a holiday party or open house taking place almost every day.

And not only are the holidays a time for families to gather together, but they also mark a season of sharing.

Many people open their homes to friends, family, coworkers, and neighbors, affording you the opportunity to reconnect with many people you might have lost touch with during your romantic relationship.

Taking advantage of newfound freedom without a partner frees up more time to proactively plan your calendar to attend all of the social events you would not previously have had time to schedule.

The bottom line is that holiday breakups don’t have to ruin your holidays.

With the support of faith, family, and friends, focusing on the future is a healthy way to end the year, and ring in a new season of healing, hope, and happiness.

This article was previously published in Psychology Today, and is used with the permission of the author.

Wendy L. Patrick, JD, MDiv, Ph.D., is an award-winning career trial attorney and media commentator. She is host of "Live with Dr. Wendy" on KCBQ, and a daily guest on other media outlets, delivering a lively mix of flash, substance, and style. Read Dr. Wendy L. Patrick's Reports — More Here.

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WendyLPatrick
Holiday breakups don’t have to ruin your holidays. With the support of faith, family, and friends, focusing on the future is a healthy way to end the year, and ring in a new season of healing, hope, and happiness.
heartbreak, holiday
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2023-30-21
Thursday, 21 December 2023 10:30 AM
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