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Tags: cellphone | phubbing | texting

Be Smitten With Partner, Not a Device

Be Smitten With Partner, Not a  Device

(Steve Allen/Dreamstime)

Wendy L. Patrick By Monday, 17 September 2018 02:44 PM EDT Current | Bio | Archive

Research Reveals How Even a Silent Device Speaks Volumes

Texting has become as natural as talking. Everyone does it.

Has its ubiquity impacted its acceptability?

Research reveals that even in the age of electronic communication, divided attention impacts relational satisfaction.

How Texting Impacts Relationships

Recent research by Daniel Halpern and James E. Katz, from 2017, found that texting frequency has a negative impact on relational satisfaction.

In thier study, "Texting´s Consequences for Romantic Relationships," they found that texting behavior causes relational conflict, and detracts from relational intimacy by displacing attention paid to romantic partners.

Halpern and Katz also found that over time, both of these results decrease perceived quality of the relationship. They also cite prior research corroborating what we all feel instinctively — that partnerships encompass more than simply being present together.

A partnership means that both partners focus on each other instead of being distracted.

Constant cell-phone use detracts from potential responsiveness to the needs of a partner, which can cause both partners to perceive decreased relational communication, commitment, and satisfaction.

Mere Presence Speaks Volumes

A study by Shalini Misra et al. labeled "The iPhone Effect: The Quality of In-Person Social Interactions in the Presence of Mobile Devices," from 2016, found that as observed by a trained research assistant, device-free conversation between participants was rated as superior to conversation where a device was on the table or in the hand of either participant.

This result held to be true regardless of age, ethnicity, gender, or even mood.

Further, they found that pairs who had conversation in the presence of a mobile device reported lower levels of empathy, even when they had a close relationship, than conversation partners who had a less friendly relationship.

The results showed that conversation quality, where either partner held a mobile device in their hand or put it on the table, was rated by the observer as less fulfilling. Conversation partners themselves reported perceiving less empathetic concern when talking within the visual presence of a mobile device.

This effect was more pronounced when conversing dyads shared a closer relationship.

The researchers speculated that this result might be due to the fact that mobile devices have symbolic value. Even when not flashing, beeping, or buzzing, they represent a portal to a wide network of contacts, and link to instant information.

Their presence is a distraction due to the potential to draw attention away from an in person conversation, which undermines the depth and character of the interaction.

Cyber Snubbing Puts a Damper on Romance

Cell-phone focus has even earned its own slang term. Snubbing someone through focusing on one´s phone instead of a conversation partner has become known as "phubbing."

Research by Varoth Chotpitayasunondh and Karen Douglas (in 2016) revealed that phubbing has become normalized. They found phubbing behavior to be tied to Internet addiction, self-control, and fear of missing out.

They also note that the frequency of public phubbing may cause others to believe such behavior is socially acceptable, and that the rule of reciprocity may prompt “phubbees” to become “phubbers” in retaliation to the snub.

James A. Roberts and Meredith E. David, in a study, "My Life Has Become a Major Distraction Drom My Cell Phone" (2017), studied phubbing behavior between romantic partners. They found that romantic partner phubbing, called "Pphubbing," (note the extra "P") was moderated by attachment anxiety.

While Pphubbing behavior caused conflict for everyone, people with anxious attachment styles might over-react to such behavior as compared to people with more secure attachment styles — resulting in less relationship satisfaction.

Roberts and David further found that decreased relationship satisfaction (created in part by being the recipient of Pphubbing) increased depression by decreasing life satisfaction.

The Attraction of Attention

Let´s face it, many people are smitten with their devices — often preferring their company to other people. True, when we are not playing games or watching You Tube videos, we use our devices to "talk."

But not really. We miss all of the nonverbal bonding cues that build relationships.

Most people try to balance both worlds. They spend time with others in person, and online. But there is a time and place for everything — including your device. Even the presence of a phone sitting on the table between you and your date is a barrier to bonding.

Because consider, why is it there? In case someone else wants to break in.

Bottom line: if you want to build relationships, remember that attention is attractive. Give it to your conversation partner, not your device.

This article was originally posted in Psychology Today.

Wendy L. Patrick is a career prosecutor, named the Ronald M. George Public Lawyer of the Year, and recognized by her peers as one of the Top Ten criminal attorneys in San Diego by the San Diego Daily Transcript. She has completed over 150 trials ranging from human trafficking, to domestic violence, to first-degree murder. She is President of the Association of Threat Assessment Professionals San Diego Chapter and an ATAP Certified Threat Manager. Dr. Patrick is a frequent media commentator with over 3,00 appearances including CNN, Fox News Channel, Newsmax, and many others. She is author of "Red Flags" (St. Martin´s Press), and co-author of the revised version of the New York Times bestseller "Reading People" (Random House). On a personal note, Dr. Patrick holds a purple belt in Shorin-Ryu karate, is a concert violinist with the La Jolla Symphony, and plays the electric violin with a rock band. To read more of her reports — Click Here Now.

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If you want to build relationships, remember that attention is attractive. Give it to your conversation partner, not your device.
cellphone, phubbing, texting
Monday, 17 September 2018 02:44 PM
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