Parkland shooter Nikolas Cruz has been writing love letters from jail to a woman overseas, with the twisted mass murder proposing marriage, pondering having children, writing about dying and discussing naming his children after guns.
One thing Cruz does not write about: the 17 people he killed after opening fire at Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School.
The 20-year-old said it "would be a bad idea," to bring up the Feb. 14 Parkland shootings in his letters, but he was prepared to talk about every other topic with the young woman from the United Kingdom identified as Miley, according to the South Florida Sun-Sentinel, which obtained 46 pages of Cruz's handwritten letters from the Broward State Attorney's Office.
In his letters, Cruz reveals how the "really wants kids" and constantly thinks about it and "the joy they bring." If he had sons, they would be named Kalashnikov, Makarov, and Remington, all of which are references to guns.
Cruz, who is facing the death penalty or life in prison, according to CNN, also speaks about dying in his letters.
"I wish life for me could have been different but it's not. And a part of me is wishing it ends," he wrote, according to the Sun-Sentinel. "End with the death [penalty], letting someone inject me with longlast sleep. It's kind of what I want, but I'm unsure of myself, so I'm just letting people save me from myself, saving me from something that I can never return from."
However, his letters also contain an element of hope as he ponders his freedom and settling down.
"I also was wondering if you'd be interested in marriage when the time comes," he writes in a letter to Miley. "It won't be for a long time, but would you be interested? I feel like we make a great family together. With lots of kids. I imagine it every day. That's what's keeping me strong."
In his letters, Cruz appears to grapple with the underlying issues that might have prompted the Parkland shooting.
"I don't know what's wrong with me, maybe I should get the death penalty. IDK [I don't know], I just want love . . ." he wrote. "I hope you can understand it's because of my mother. I feel like I'll never be loved, and I'll die alone."
Cruz also appeared to harbor hope he could still walk out of prison alive.
"I wish I could leave and move to the mountains and live alone with some equipment that allow me to live off the land," he wrote. "I hope one day I'll be able to do that, but time will tell."
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