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The Best of LCR 2004 - Part I

Tuesday, 21 December 2004 12:00 AM

THE LEFT COAST REPORT
A Political Look at Hollywood
 

Jim Carrey's Heavenly Thoughts

Jim Carrey has discovered something that a lot of folks in La-La Land and society at large have yet to find out. There's a difference between pleasure and happiness.

Carrey tells Playboy magazine that he has given up almost all pleasurable pursuits and is living like a monk. 

"I don't eat wheat. I don't eat dairy. I don't smoke cigarettes. I don't smoke pot. All these things I've enjoyed. I live very sparingly," the actor explains.

"Heaven is the other side of that feeling you get when you're sitting on the couch and you get up and make a triple-decker sandwich. It's on the other side of that, when you don't make the sandwich. It's about sacrifice..."

The Left Coast Report hears that when Hugh Hefner read Carrey's interview he decided to give up one of his seven girlfriends.

Cameron Diaz Helps Senior Pachyderm

Cameron Diaz is in love, and it's not just with her Timberlake beau. 

She sleeps with a picture of her other love – an African elephant named Flora.

Diaz has banded together with Hilary Duff, Christina Applegate, Paris Hilton and Shannon Elizabeth to help Flora retire in style.

It seems that the elephant has been living temporarily in the Miami Zoo. Previously she was gainfully employed in her own traveling circus.

The bevy of celebs has raised $70,000 but plans to raise $200,000 so that Flora can laze about in luxury at the Elephant Sanctuary in Hohenwald, Tenn.

Do you suppose Cameron & Co. are aware which political party Flora's family symbolizes?

The Left Coast Report suspects if they find out they'll be switching to finding lavish retirement homes for jackasses.

Catherine Zeta-Jones' Ugly Aspiration

Charlize Theron has been whining about her terrible hardship. You know, the one about having to live with the burden of beauty.

It looks as though Catherine Zeta-Jones is under the same knockout pressure. And apparently she's going to try and use Theron's method of coping and its attendant path to success: ditch the glam, slap on the ugly and snag the Best Actress gold.

The London Daily Mail reports that Zeta-Jones has been pleading with writer/director Patty Jenkins to cast her as the unattractive female lead in Jenkins' next flick. 

Jenkins just happens to be the same filmmaker who turned Theron into an Oscar-winning "Monster."

The Left Coast Report wonders what's next for Hollywood's hotties: Cameron Diaz with oversized thighs and a penchant for pilfering, Salma Hayek with bubble glasses and a car-jacking jones, Angelina Jolie with buckteeth and a kidnapper's flair...

Pamela Anderson's Wrinkle Fantasy

While Catherine Zeta-Jones is thinking about getting ugly, Pamela Anderson is thinking about getting old.

After watching the performances of Henry Fonda and Katharine Hepburn in "On Golden Pond," the former "Baywatch" lifeguard says she's looking forward to becoming a senior.

"My feelings about growing old have been inspired by the movie ‘On Golden Pond.' In it, an aging Katharine Hepburn is still madly in love with her husband of many years."

Anderson adds: "I can picture myself as an old woman, wrinkled up like a prune with no teeth. My grandkids will be all around me. And plenty of animals that have three legs or an eye missing will be there as well - it's my rescue-shelter dream."

The Left Coast Report is amazed that a Hollywood starlet would use the words "old," "wrinkled" and "dream" in the same sentence.

George Carlin's Sorry Take

George Carlin explained why he believes America was attacked on 9/11.

On HBO's "Real Time with Bill Maher," the comic spouted a line of reasoning that, unfortunately, is shared by other boneheads in the entertainment, academic and journalistic fields – that we somehow got what we deserved on 9/11.

"This country has been pushing the world around and exploiting people of the world for a long, long time. And sometime you have to pay the piper," Carlin said.

He added that "we now have gotten enough people really angry, and we have sold enough weapons, and we've developed enough technology for them to have them now, and they're being used against us."
    
The Left Coast Report says it's great to know that in America we're still free to be as irritating, ignorant and idiotic as we wanna be.

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THE LEFT COAST REPORT A Political Look at Hollywood  Jim Carrey's Heavenly ThoughtsJim Carrey has discovered something that a lot of folks in La-La Land and society at large have yet to find out. There's a difference between pleasure and happiness.Carrey tells...
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Tuesday, 21 December 2004 12:00 AM
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