Tags: Have | Seen | The | Light

I Have Seen The Light

Tuesday, 06 September 2005 12:00 AM

I actually feel like a huge weight has been taken off my shoulders by coming clean with my new feelings. I almost feel like stripping naked and singing anti-war songs.

I live in the New Orleans, Louisiana area. Last week when Hurricane Katrina came ashore I was writing my typical conservative column to downplay accusations by environmentalists claiming that George W. Bush was responsible for the recent radical changes in weather patterns around the world. My fellow liberals (gosh it feels great to say that) have been blaming Bush (a.k.a. Hitler) for the strange weather patterns because he refused to sign the Kyoto Treaty.

The original column that I was writing had facts and figures about the pollution that countries like India and China emitted into the air every year. In the column I wondered why both countries were exempt from the Kyoto Treaty since they are two of the world's major polluters. I wondered why liberals did not blame them for global warming.

In the column I also mentioned that I have lived in both countries and that I could drive three or four hours in any direction from any major city in both countries and see smog hovering at tree top level the entire way. You don't see that in America.

I had all my facts and figures about major polluters around the world and really planned on sticking it to the wackos out there in liberal land. (Sorry, old habits are hard to break). But then I saw the true force of nature during the hurricane, and like I said earlier, saw the light.

Let me explain.

Hurricane Katrina came ashore around 7:00 am on Monday morning. While the wind was howling outside and trees were being uprooted around my house, I happened to look up at the hurricane's cloud formation. On the horizon I could see a distinct and unusual formation of clouds approaching my house. At first the strange formation was hard to see, but as it got closer I could read a sentence that was mystically being written by the clouds in the sky. It clearly read, "BUSH CAUSED THIS!"

Of course I could not believe what I was seeing and the formation quickly vanished. But still, I began to wonder about how the force of nature could possibly be making some kind of statement about President Bush. Maybe the Indians (sorry Native Americans) are right and the earth is the mother of all mankind. Maybe Mother Earth was trying to tell me something.

After a few terrifying hours the hurricane passed and friends in my neighborhood slowly began emerging from their houses to assess the damage to their homes. I met Buddy, my good friend, in the middle of the street in front of my house. I noticed Buddy was staring at my roof with a look of awe on his face. I looked at my roof and noticed that I had lost a lot of shingles. But the strange thing was that the missing shingles distinctly spelled out the following message on my roof: "BUSH CAUSED THIS!"

I was amazed. Buddy and I walked into my back yard to survey the damage there. To our amazement the shingles blown off my roof had landed in perfect formation in my backyard and also spelled the following: "BUSH CAUSED THIS!"

Of course I was stunned to see three different signs telling me that Bush had caused Hurricane Katrina. I told Buddy about the other two signs and we both fell to our knees in my back yard and immediately began singing Kum Ba Yah. It was really a religious experience.

Sorry, strike my last sentence. I forgot that my fellow liberals don't believe in God and are not supposed to write about Him. Sorry about that, I will try harder next time.

Everyone will need to bear with me while I make the change from conservative to liberal columnist. There are certain things that take time to change. I am still having a hard time not being respectful to that "evil tyrant dictator, George W. Bush", but I am trying.

In any case it is time to end this column. The neighbors are gathering in my front yard. We are planning to hold an anti-war vigil in the ditch in front of my house. Maybe if we are lucky Sean Penn will join us. I hear he is rescuing flood victims in New Orleans.

I just hope he fixed the leak in his boat.

102-105

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I actually feel like a huge weight has been taken off my shoulders by coming clean with my new feelings. I almost feel like stripping naked and singing anti-war songs. I live in the New Orleans, Louisiana area. Last week when Hurricane Katrina came ashore I was writing...
Have,Seen,The,Light
751
2005-00-06
Tuesday, 06 September 2005 12:00 AM
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