Tags: Fitting | Punishment | for | Wrong-Way | Lasseter

A Fitting Punishment for Wrong-Way Lasseter

Friday, 11 January 2002 12:00 AM

Poor Michael Shane Lasseter. His 33rd birthday was all ruined by an announcement from prosecutors that they were going to charge him with four misdemeanor counts after his little stunt at Hartsfield airport inconvenienced thousands and cost millions.

What a shame.

The newspaper today tells us that Lasseter would "like to have spent quiet time at home with his wife and children." Instead, he had to deal with attorneys and the charges filed against him.

What a damned shame.

Jolene Myers would like to have attended her mother's funeral on Nov. 16. She didn't get to because of the antics of Michael Shane Lasseter.

Another of my listeners would like to have made it to the bedside of his dying father. He didn't make it … Michael Shane Lasseter.

Tens of thousands of people had their travel plans disrupted or canceled because of this jerk. Airlines and other businesses lost millions of dollars. And we're supposed to feel sorry for Lasseter because his birthday was ruined by having to deal with the charges?

My guess is that Lasseter will get no jail time. That's a pity. A few thousand bucks, community service and probation is just not enough for the arrogance this man showed trying to get to a football game.

Here's an idea. Hit him with the maximum fine … $2,000. Make him pay the FAA's $3,300 fine also. Then order him to get out his calendar and mark off every weekend for the next three years that the University of Georgia will be playing football.

Tell him that he is to report to the Hall County Jail on the Friday preceding each of those weekends. He will then be locked in a cell with no radio and no television until 6:00 p.m. on Sunday. Three years of no Georgia football. Fitting punishment for Mr. "To hell with you, I'm gone."

We learn today that about 20 Taliban and al-Qaeda prisoners are on a military airplane on their way to the U.S. Navy base in Cuba. That's where they'll be held until we figure out how to dispose of them.

We are told that some of these terrorists are actually chained to their seats! I guarantee you, sometime today some leftist bedwetter is going to start wringing his or her hands worrying about what would happen if this plane had to ditch in the Atlantic Ocean! How would these poor, poor terrorists get out if they are chained to their seats?

The more I try to visualize that scenario the better I like it.

Do you want a 60-second rendition of just what this Enron stuff is all about?

OK ... here you go.

Enron was the nation's seventh-largest corporation in terms of revenue. Enron would buy natural gas and electrical energy from producers and re-sell those commodities to distributors and consumers.

Enron was apparently cooking the books. Enron was heavily in debt, but the debt was hidden in various partnerships. Eventually the house of cards caved in and Enron tanked. Many Enron employees and investors literally lost most of their life savings.

Enron's connection to President Bush? The corporation and its top official contributed heavily to Bush's various political campaigns. Also – when the financial cave-in began at Enron, some Enron officials had meetings with Bush administration officials seeking help.

That's just about it. This is the synopsis for the "scandal" that many in our wonderful news media say could be "as big as Whitewater."

So, you want to compare Bush/Enron with Clinton/Madison Guaranty and the Whitewater scandal? Fine! Let's go for it. For starters:

It's pretty much standard practice for a huge corporation to go to Washington when the going gets rough. Sometimes you see a bailout, as you did with the airlines and Chrysler. Sometimes the corporate officials learn that they are going to have to go it on their own.

Democrats and Clinton lovers are just salivating on this one. They are trying to convince the myrmidons that Enron is Bush's Whitewater. As you can see from the list above, this is a tough play to run.

It doesn't matter, though, because the vast majority of people in this country – including most Democratic voters – don't have the intellectual curiosity to delve into the situation. They'll believe what their favorite politician says – or what they hear from their favorite news anchors – and that will pretty much be it.

If there's any fraud, criminal conduct or ethical violations here … show me the proof. I'll be right there with you demanding appropriate action.

Gotta tell you … I had a wonderful time on the air yesterday. One call led me into a resurrection of my 1988 broadcast of the Georgia Cat Chasing Championships.

Let's go back about 14 years. I was working at a much smaller radio station then and wasn't syndicated. I told my listeners that I had learned of an interesting competition that was going to take place "at an airport south of Atlanta." It was the Georgia Cat Chasing Championships. The purpose was to choose a champion to send to the national contest a month later.

Cat chasing, for those of you who don't know, is the sport of cramming about eight skydivers and one cat into an airplane. When you get to 10,000 feet you toss the cat out. The skydivers then pile out and go after the cat. Whoever lands with the cat is the winner.

To make a long story short … we spent about four weeks promoting the show. I had guests come by for quick appearances. Past champions, judges, sponsors and contestants.

On the day of the "competition" we did a "live" remote broadcast. I sat in the studio with a cast of about five people and about 60 sound effects. We had crowd noise, helicopters, the sounds of screaming cats, airplanes, parachutes opening, wind noise … you name it.

We had a chain saw used to get a cat out of a tree. We had the sound of an uncaught cat falling through the air.

Let me tell you, we gave the audience one helluva show. We had county sheriffs all over South Georgia rushing to their local airports afraid that this competition was going on in their jurisdictions. What fun we had!

At the end of the show we told those listeners who hadn't figured things out that it was all a spoof. We then produced a tape of the show and sold it for $10 a hit. The total proceeds went to the Fund for Animals. We raised thousands.

Well – we didn't go to quite the same lengths yesterday. All I did was mention the contest and my participation. Amazingly – many people bought it.

Here's the latest e-mail tally as of 6:00 a.m.:

It has been a month since the last meeting of the U.S. Commission on Civil Rights. That was when President Bush's appointment to the commission tried to take his seat but was denied by its super-leftist, bigoted, showboating chairwoman, Mary Frances Berry.

The commission meets again today amidst growing criticism. Republicans have told Berry that she has no right to interpret the law that created the panel however she sees fit – something she's been trying to do for several months now.

And one congressman, Rep. Steve Chabot, R-Ohio, warned her that her actions in resisting Bush's appointment and in using government funds to hire legal council to assist her "may be sufficient to justify your removal from the commission for malfeasance in office."

However, two other congressmen, John Conyers of Michigan (what a surprise) and Jerald (the Hutt) Nadler of New York, both sent letters of support ... another big surprise.

At stake is her ability to continue her reign as virtual queen of the commission. She now has a 5-3 majority, but the addition of Bush's man would change that to a 4-4 deadlock on controversial issues.

The U.S. Commission on Civil Rights has no real power other than spin, but Berry dearly loves the prestige and (I'm sure) the paycheck. I'm certain the threat of removal really scares her, since she is totally unqualified for any real job outside of government work.

We'll be watching this one today.

(You may have heard the Godfather talking about this one yesterday.)

Fifty thousand big ones is not a lot of money on the federal level. It's not even a lot of money on the local government level. But buried deep inside the appropriations bill for the Justice Department, a representative by the name of Lois Capps, D-Calif., placed a provision for that amount to go to San Luis Obispo County to start up a tattoo removal service. The idea is to help former gang members "erase the social stigma associated with a tattoo."

"People with tattoos often find themselves being unfairly stereotyped in a way that makes it difficult to find employment or be promoted to higher, better paying positions," Capps said. "The Liberty Tattoo Program works with people in our community to help erase this social stigma."

The Liberty Tattoo Program??? Yep. A rose by any other name might smell as sweet, but adding "Liberty" to the name of this garbage is intended to make it smell like a lily.

(And if you add the term "Civil Rights" to a piece of legislation, no one will dare vote against it. See how government works?)

Again, folks, 50 grand is not a lot of money (except to the average American taxpayer). But it was the late Senator Everett Dirkson who said, "A million here, a million there, and pretty soon you're talking real money!" Only 35 years later we need to replace "millions" in that quote with the word "billions" in order to make it relative to current-day politics.

Lois Capps needs to have that quote hanging on her wall. Hell, everyone in Congress should!

Back in my days as an attorney, I saw many examples of women making false claims against their husbands during a divorce. One of the favorite ones was child abuse. Unfortunately, those false claims have the effect of diluting the real claims of abuse when they truly exist.

Well, a Houston woman was ticked off at her husband and decided to get back at him. This couple was of Middle Eastern descent, so guess which route she decided to take.

Yep. She called the FBI and told them her hubby was a terrorist who had received prior notice by e-mail of the 9-11 attacks. She claimed that he often entertained wanted terrorists at their apartment and that he had a Hamas symbol tattooed on his arm.

Well, it didn't take long to discover that none of the claims were true. Shahlah Jaffer Hussain now faces five years in jail and a $250, 000 fine. By the way, the reason she was so angry at her husband Fouad was that he left for "an extended period of time" without telling her where he was.

Don't you just love it?

So says a 76-year-old World War II veteran who intervened in a bank robbery Tuesday, successfully thwarting the robbers' take significantly.

Edward Christopher got pissed when the robbery interfered with his cashing a (Social Security?) check. He says he doesn't particularly care for the police or Bank of America, but he likes bank robbers even less. He walked up to the culprits and managed to rip open one of the bags, spilling about 90 per cent of the contents. The shocked robbers fled with what remaining cash they had.

I don't know about you, but I wouldn't want to be in the path of a septuagenarian "trained killer." When you get to that age, having fought the Nazis in hand-to-hand combat, you don't have a lot to lose.

You go, Ed!

The School Board of Pomona, Calif., is getting a windfall piece of property in a plea bargain agreement. The Swedish Salon massage parlor was next door to the Lincoln Elementary School. They were accused of being a front for prostitution (the massage parlor, not the school).

Herschel Jennings and his wife, Kay, have pleaded guilty to prostitution-related charges and agreed to hand over their massage parlor to the Pomona Unified School District rather than go to trial on 14 counts of pimping and four counts of filing false tax returns.

"Through the joint work of the Pomona Police Department, our office and the Franchise Tax Board, we've taken what has been a problem in this community ... namely, a whorehouse next to a school ... and turned it into classrooms," Deputy District Attorney Gail Ehrlich said.

You know, I'll bet a brothel would be a great teaching aid in economics class. They could also use it for the sex-ed classroom.

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Poor Michael Shane Lasseter.His 33rd birthday was all ruined by an announcement from prosecutors that they were going to charge him with four misdemeanor counts after his little stunt at Hartsfield airport inconvenienced thousands and cost millions. What a shame. The...
Friday, 11 January 2002 12:00 AM
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