Brad Pitt's Southern Sadness Suspicions

Headlines (Scroll down for complete stories):
1. Stephen Colbert Sued Over Possible Pilfered Joke
2. Quentin Tarantino Drops F-Bombs Over 'Heroes'
3. Brad Pitt Has 'Southern Sadness'
4. Whoopi Goldberg Goes to Bat for Elisabeth Hasselbeck and the GOP
5. Romanians Report Superman Sightings
 

1. Stephen Colbert Sued Over Possible Pilfered Joke

Stephen Colbert, who for his Comedy Central show created a caricature of "The O'Reilly Factor"'s Bill O'Reilly, is being sued by a talk-show host from floundering radio network Air America.

In an apparent appeal to the Trekkies in his audience, the smirking satirist let loose with a joke in which he compared GOP presidential hopefuls to Klingons because of comments made at a debate in which the candidates said that it was more honorable to win the war than the presidency.

Colbert's "Star Trek" wisecrack was unleashed on Sept. 11, and the co-host of the "Young Turks" radio show, Cenk Uygur, is alleging in a lawsuit that Colbert stole the joke from a show of his that aired on Sept. 7.

"Look, he's messing with my livelihood," Uyger said via his show's Web site.

"That's how I put food on my kids' table. If I had kids, that's definitely where I would put the food. Plus, my girlfriend won't have sex with me anymore because she says I've lost my sense of humor. I told her I didn't lose it, it was stolen. I looked it up, they have a legal word for it: It's called loss of consortium. That means no more hanky-panky, and it costs big time in lawsuit world."

For his supposed hanky-panky shortfall and hijacked humor injuries Uyger is seeking $65 million in damages. Apparently, he used a recent lawsuit over a pair of pants that were lost by a Washington, D.C. dry cleaners and prompted a local judge to sue for multimillions.

The radio host plaintiff revealed how he calculated the hefty amount. "If a pair of lost pants is worth $65 million, then my jokes are worth a h*** of a lot more."

Rumor has it that Colbert is thinking about countersuing for $130 million because the joke bombed.

2. Quentin Tarantino Drops F-Bombs Over 'Heroes'

Quentin Tarantino is a video-store-clerk-turned-filmmaker who has coarsened the culture with his twisted cinema.

Now the overrated movie mogul seems to have ticked off the wrong group of people.

When asked if he would direct an episode of "Heroes," Tarantino told The U.K. Sun, "They were trying to get me to do one ["Heroes" episode]. I haven't even seen the f***ing show."

Again displaying his f-word affection, he took another derogatory dig at the hugely successful NBC series, saying, "What the f*** is 'Heroes?'"

Fans shouldn't be too hard on Tarantino. After all, he was just trying to prove he's got just as much ignorance of the small screen as he does of the big one.

3. Brad Pitt Has 'Southern Sadness'

Brad Pitt has been out promoting his latest flick with the long-winded title, "The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford."

In an interview on ABC's "Good Morning America," Pitt shared some of his thoughts on being a dad. He also talked about how fatherhood has helped him overcome a sadness that he has had since he was a boy growing up in Missouri.

Pitt's onscreen character Jesse James also grew up in the Show Me State, which evidently spurred the actor into examining his past and the region of his childhood.

Pitt spoke of something he characterized as the South's "congenital sadness."

"It's something that I feel in my grandparents, in the people I've met, in a Southern way of life," Pitt said.

Interestingly, he sees the Christian faith as an antidote for Southern woe.

"It's something pervasive, an undercurrent that I think Christianity answers," Pitt professed.

4. Whoopi Goldberg Goes to Bat for Elisabeth Hasselbeck and the GOP

That's one headline most folks thought they'd never see.

It's true. Whoopi Goldberg, actress, comedienne and new "View" co-host, recently came to the defense of her colleague Elisabeth Hasselbeck and the GOP to boot.

Slated guest Barry Manilow had canceled an appearance on the ABC chat-fest calling Hasselbeck "dangerous and offensive."

Using reverse Rosie rhetoric, though, Whoopi publicly expressed her disapproval of the syrupy singer's sentiments. She announced on the show, "If you don't sit with one, you sit with none."

The audience responded with resounding applause.

Goldberg added, "We've had liberals, we've had Republicans — we service everybody!"

5. Romanians Report Superman Sightings

A figure that looked like the soaring comic book, television and movie character Superman was recently seen flying over a European town.

Police in Romania took the accounts of almost 20 witnesses so seriously that an investigation was launched into the Man of Steel sightings.

Folks from Gemeni, Mehedinti County said that they saw an unidentified flying man wearing a shiny blue suit just like the one Superman wears.

Officers took written statements from all of the Superman attesters and told Ananova that witnesses described the airborne person in the same way.

A local police officer, Ion Anuta, said that the Romanian cops talked to people of different ages and described witnesses as "reliable citizens."

One of the onlookers, 41-year-old Constantin Toader, said: "He looked like Superman and was flying slowly at about 100 yards from the ground in a standing position. He didn't make any smoke or sound. Just cruising around."

Officer Anuta commented on the consistency of bystanders' stories, saying, "They all said they saw this strange creature who flew over their houses in his shiny blue costume. We'll just have to see what happens next."

Maybe someone ought to check with Vegas to see if they're missing one of the Flying Elvises.