I work with couples. I work with a lot of disappointed partners, too. You’d be surprised how often I hear, “I just don’t know how to be romantic.”
Usually, men are the ones talking about feeling clueless and powerless when it comes to creating a sense of romance.
I’m about to go off on a politically incorrect limb here: There are different ways to be romantic, and I grant you that some people, usually women, have some elaborate fantasies about what is involved.
If you are in a relationship with someone who defines romance as being surprised with a significant piece of jewelry and a trip to Fiji, this is not the tip for you.
But for a lot of people, feeling cherished simply means being listened to and being noticed. For many, feeling seen and understood is the very essence of romance.
Check in with your partner about what his or her definition of romance is.
The key to being romantic is to remember this: Don’t give your significant other what you want to give them, give them what they want.
If people stop and think about what their partners really want, instead of what is easy to give them, they would take the first step toward being more romantic.
If you are not sure what your partner wants, it’s okay to ask. In fact, it’s better than doing nothing.
So if your partner loves a trip to the beach and you’re not a beach person, you could say, “ I wanted to do something special with you. I was thinking we could go to the beach on Saturday, and stop afterwards and eat at the x,y, z restaurant, which you love. How does that sound?”
Many partners will be very pleased by a generous offer like this.
And most people want to be listened to. So if your partner brings up the fact that his knee is hurting, a follow up question in a day about how the knee is feeling is a way of making a good connection.
I bet most of you are thinking that this is a strange definition of romance. But I challenge you to share this blog with your partner and start a dialogue about being more romantic.
Posts by Dr. Aline Zoldbrod
© 2021 NewsmaxHealth. All rights reserved.