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Build Self-Esteem With Positive Acts

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Tuesday, 26 December 2017 04:23 PM Current | Bio | Archive

Catherine, who had a mastectomy several years ago and has been gaining weight ever since, has slowly been losing confidence in herself.

Through most of her life, Catherine has liked herself. But since her cancer, her self-esteem has been shot.

“I’m also poor now,” she says, “So I can’t go out and buy myself something so I can feel good about me.”

Mike, on the other hand, has never felt good about himself. As a child he was underweight and the littlest in the class.

Although he’s average size now, he still doesn’t feel good about his looks. He also feels badly about his lack of a college education.

“My parents didn’t go to college and they didn’t push us kids. No one in my family ever asked, what do you want to be when you grow up? What are your goals?”

Jim doesn’t respect himself because he repeatedly manipulates his expense account and takes advantage of his partner.

He says, “I always have this gnawing feeling that I’m not a good person.”

Mary lost her self-esteem when her husband left her.

Sue lost hers when she had to get a job outside the home and found she had few saleable skills. She works as a teacher’s aide and hates every minute of it. “It’s humiliating having someone fresh out of college telling me what to do.”

All these people are seeking counseling because of their poor self-esteem.

What is this elusive concept of self-esteem? Most psychotherapists would agree that it’s a feeling a person has that he is valuable. He likes himself. He feels adequate.

Some people seem to have had high self-esteem most of their lives. As far back as they can remember they liked themselves. When others look back, all they can recall are only bad feelings about themselves.

For most of us, self-esteem goes up and down, depending on what’s happening in our life. Poor health, job loss, marital problems, inability to lose weight, and not being able to pay bills generally lowers self-esteem. A promotion, a happy marriage, a signed contract, a new hair-do, or a clean house may increase one’s self-esteem.

Most people can improve their self-esteem. The way to feeling better is to ask yourself, “What would make me feel more valuable?”

If you find that the answer is a college education, sign up now. Start with one class. If you believe the answer to your poor self-concept is to have a boyfriend, put yourself in more situations where you can meet someone.

If your self-esteem has plummeted because of a job loss, set a goal of contacting fifteen possible employers per week. A person who is actively pursuing a goal automatically feels more self-esteem.

If you can’t get back something you’ve lost, such as health or a husband, come up with some substitutions in your life that will give you a feeling of self-worth.

Become an expert on Matisse or Beethoven or mission furniture. Walk three miles a day. Visit your church once a week. When people set and pursue goals their self-esteem grows.

Check out Doris’ latest books, “The Boy Whose Idea Could Feed the World,”“The Parent Teacher Discussion Guide,” and “Thin Becomes You" at www.doriswildhelmering.com

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DorisHelmering
Self-esteem goes up and down, depending on what’s happening in your life. Job loss, marital problems, or not being able to pay bills generally lowers self-esteem. A promotion, a happy marriage, a signed contract, a new hair-do, or a clean house may increase one’s self-esteem.
psychotherapy, self-esteem, counseling
536
2017-23-26
Tuesday, 26 December 2017 04:23 PM
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