When children grow up, the parent-child relationship is destined to change. When both are adults, it's time to change the way they relate and communicate. This, however, does not come easily.
Grown children speak out to their parents.
Respect that my schedule is different from yours. Try not to call too late or during our dinner. And when I can't talk, be understanding.
Realize I can't telephone you every day and understand that my not calling has nothing to do with love.
Don't try to make me feel guilty because I don't attend church every week.
Don't tell me what other kids do for their parents.
Don't talk about my father's shortcomings and expect me to take your side.
Please be understanding when I turn down your invitations - I have a very busy life.
Don't expect my political viewpoints to be the same as yours.
When I share things such as I'm getting a dog, or we're thinking of moving, don't become negative and try to talk me out of it.
Don't go on about everyone's problems or how bad the world is.
If I share one of my problems with you, don't minimize it and say I have nothing to worry about.
When I do nice things for you please be appreciative.
Don't always talk about my brothers' and sisters' accomplishments.
When you come over for dinner, please offer to help but don't take over.
Don't talk against me to my children.
Treat me like an adult, with respect.
Parents and grown children desire a good relationship, but sometimes it's not so clear how to get there. Evaluate the suggestions I've given in these columns. Do you need to do anything differently?
Check out Doris’ latest books, “The Boy Whose Idea Could Feed the World,” “The Parent Teacher Discussion Guide,” and “Thin Becomes You” at Doris’ web page: http://www.doriswildhelmering.com.
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