The house guests are coming. Most people look with anticipation to the arrival of their guests. Within three or four days of that arrival, most people start looking to their departure. This rapid change from “I can’t wait 'till they get here” to “I can’t wait 'till they leave,” is prompted by several factors.

Most people are creatures of habit and need a certain structure in their lives. House guests change the familiar schedule. And as the days pass, the desire to get back to normal increases.

Most people also need privacy. When you add two, three, or four additional people to most houses, privacy is difficult. You can’t walk around the house as you’re used to; you can’t spontaneously discuss personal business.

Usually however, guests wear out their welcome with their own inappropriate behavior. Here are a few hints I’ve collected from some disgruntled hosts. You might title their list “How To Be a Good House Guest.”:

Make sure you’re invited. You may feel an overwhelming need to visit us, but do we want to see you?

When you arrive, check out the lay of the land. Don’t immediately start distributing presents.

Don’t expect us to always wait on and entertain you. If this is the kind of vacation you desire, go to a resort. These are my vacation days, too.

Leave your pets at home. And leave my pets alone. It aggravates me to no end when you tease my dog.

Although your stories are interesting and I love the fact that you’re well read, don’t fill every minute with talking. I like to be together without having to talk sometimes.

Please don’t ask me if you can smoke in my house. You know we don’t smoke. Your asking automatically sets the tone for a bad visit. If I say no, you feel annoyed. If I say yes, I feel annoyed. And please don’t throw your butts in my yard for me to pick up later. The last time you came, I picked up 217 butts.

Don’t ask me how much things cost. It’s none of your business.

Plan a day trip with your family alone. This will give us all some space.

Don’t keep the washer and dryer tied up all the time. I need to use them too.

Clean up after yourself. Put your dishes in the sink or dishwasher. Make your bed. Clean up after your children. Strip the beds when you leave.

Don’t tell me I need to re-pot my flowers, or cook my roast with a lid on it, or keep my doors locked. Don’t try to run my show. Buy half the groceries, leave money for your half. Remember, we also live on a budget.

Pay for your own tickets when we go out in a group. Rent a car. If you do borrow ours, refill it with gas.

Respect our bedtime. If you choose to stay up later, that’s fine, just keep it quiet.

Please don’t let your children turn on the television or stereo without asking, jump on the beds, chase our pets, put their feet on the furniture, eat in the living room, interrupt our conversations, mess with the blinds, or help themselves to food in the refrigerator.

Don’t fight with your husband in front of us. Save the fights for when you’re in your own house.

Be grateful. Complimentary. Praise our house. On your return home, send a thank-you note and a gift of appreciation.

And as one former host mused, “Don’t take the towels.”

Check out Doris’ latest books, “The Boy Whose Idea Could Feed the World,” “The Parent Teacher Discussion Guide,“ and “Thin Becomes You” at Doris’ web page: http://www.doriswildhelmering.com.

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