Doris Wild Helmering is a nationally known marriage and relationship counselor, weight loss expert, television and radio personality, and business management coach. She is author of nine books, 1,200 newspaper columns, six e-booklets, and has written for Reader’s Digest, Redbook, Self, and Scripps Howard News Service. She has been a guest on OPRAH, Good Morning America, and CNN. She received the Alumni Merit Award from St. Louis University for advancing the field of psychotherapy and the Woman of Achievement Award from Soroptimist International. She was awarded clinical status in the American Group Psychotherapy Association and the International Transactional Analysis Association.

You can visit her website at: .

Tags: guilt | bad behavior | counseling

Feeling Guilty Means Change Is Needed

Wednesday, 07 Mar 2018 04:30 PM Current | Bio | Archive

A sixth-grade school teacher confessed that he hadn’t been nice to his students that day. He had been impatient and needlessly sarcastic. All day he had radiated a negative attitude. Usually he would have gone home, mentally chided himself, and felt guilty.

The problem with such a response is that it does no one any good. The students, who are still smarting from the day, as well as the teacher, gain nothing.

“This time I decided that instead of punishing myself by feeling guilty, and then forgiving myself,” said the teacher, “I would change my behavior.”

The following day he went to school armed with resolve to be a good teacher. He marched energetically through his lesson plan. He compli­mented his students’ accomplishments. He tried extra hard to be patient. He worked in a game his students love playing.

At the end of the day he felt great.

Often, a person is quite aware that he has acted badly – on the job, with his children, with a neighbor. He may even mentally scold himself for his actions. But what is more productive is a change in future behavior.

Guilt is like a flashing yellow light. It is a signal that you’re doing something wrong.

This week resolve that every time you feel guilty over some behavior, you’ll change course. If you’re dilly-dallying over a decision that affects someone else, stop the guilt and make the decision.

If you feel guilty because you’ve dropped the ball and haven’t returned a telephone call, turn off the guilt and call the person.

If guilt besets you because you’ve been grumpy and out of sorts, adjust your attitude.

If you feel guilt because you usually run late, fight too much with your children, don’t see your parents enough, eat too much junk food — pay attention to what guilt is telling you.

Change your behavior. Guilt is a wake up call to alter actions.

Check out Doris’ latest books, “The Boy Whose Idea Could Feed the World,” “The Parent Teacher Discussion Guide,” and “Thin Becomes You.” At Doris’ web page:

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If you feel guilt because you usually run late, fight too much with your children, don’t see your parents enough, eat too much junk food — pay attention to what guilt is telling you.
guilt, bad behavior, counseling
Wednesday, 07 Mar 2018 04:30 PM
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