Many people are looking for a new friend. Yet month after month goes by, and they find few people to have a relationship with. Often they miss potential friendships because they kill the relationship with their own neediness.
Here’s an example:
Margie moves here from another area. She wants to make new friends. She goes to exercise class and meets Susan. Margie finds Susan likable and thinks that maybe she has found a friend. As she leaves exercise class, she says, “See you again.”
The following evening, Susan pulls up in front of the gym and she finds Margie waiting for her. Margie gets of her car, comes over to Susan and asks if she’s ready to exercise. Susan feels a little uncomfortable and somewhat intruded upon, but she shrugs it off and goes to class.
After class, Margie presses Susan to go have a bite to eat. Susan declines. Then Margie presses Susan for a time when they can work out together. Susan is noncommittal and says that she’ll probably work out over the weekend, but she’s not sure of her schedule.
The next day Margie calls Susan at work and asks if she’s made plans for the weekend.
Although Margie would have liked to make a friend, she came on so desperately that Susan backed away.
If you recognize yourself in the above example, start attuning yourself to the other person. Don’t keep suggesting one date after another when you’ve been turned down for a date. Don’t hold on when it looks as though the other person wants to call it quits for the day or wants to get off the telephone.
Let it rest until the other person suggests something. Decide that you won’t invite the other person to do something with you until he or she invites you to do something. One overture for one overture. The less desperate you appear and behave, the more friends you’re likely to acquire
Check out Doris’ latest books, “The Boy Whose Idea Could Feed the World,” “The Parent Teacher Discussion Guide,“ and “Thin Becomes You” at Doris’ web page: http://www.doriswildhelmering.com.
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