Doris Wild Helmering is a nationally known marriage and relationship counselor, weight loss expert, television and radio personality, and business management coach. She is author of nine books, 1,200 newspaper columns, six e-booklets, and has written for Reader’s Digest, Redbook, Self, and Scripps Howard News Service. She has been a guest on OPRAH, Good Morning America, and CNN. She received the Alumni Merit Award from St. Louis University for advancing the field of psychotherapy and the Woman of Achievement Award from Soroptimist International. She was awarded clinical status in the American Group Psychotherapy Association and the International Transactional Analysis Association.

You can visit her website at: www.doriswildhelmering.com .

Tags: destiny | counseling | marriage | responsibility

Choices Make Your Destiny

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Wednesday, 09 January 2019 04:28 PM Current | Bio | Archive

Doing what we say we are going to do or taking responsibility for our actions is not always easy but many times is needed. Saying I’m Sorry can also certainly clear the air and make for a sunnier future.

Who have you closed off in your life? Is there anyone you’ve taken advantage of recently or treated unfairly in the distant past? Have you promised to do someone a favor and then not followed through? Before making a New Year’s resolution, make amends with someone.

Molly confessed she needed to make amends with her mother. From the time she was little, Molly knew she was adopted. Four years ago she decided to track down her birth mother. She was so happy to find her birth mother, she started doing things with her and neglected the mother who raised her.

When her mother complained that she was ignoring her, Molly told her mom she was imagining things. “I even threw it in her face that she was jealous of my birth mother. Of course, this was true because I made it that way.”

Molly will make amends by going to her mother and apologizing. If her mother gives her a lecture, she’ll take it. She won’t fight. She’ll make a list of 100 special memories she’s had with her. She’ll treat her mother to a nice lunch and read the list. And she’ll be careful in the future not to push her mother aside.

Gene has been critical of his wife for working part-time instead of full-time. Recently Gene has realized how much his wife does in addition to her part-time job. Gene will make amends by apologizing, and in the future he’ll support his wife’s decision to work part-time.

Bob has been bulldozing family members for years. If anyone disagrees with him, he becomes enraged. Or he pouts and won’t talk. To make amends, he is to get his anger under control and to learn to be respectful when others see things differently.

Carol has owed her dentist $400 for over nine months. Although she can’t pay the entire bill, she’s decided to pay him $50 a month. “It’s time I grow up and pay what I owe,” she says.

“I have a bracelet of my sister’s,” Renee said. “She left it at my house last spring.” Her sister has asked for the bracelet several times, but Renee keeps putting her off because she likes wearing the bracelet. “I promise to return her bracelet and to buy her some earrings to go with it by the end of the month.”

Have you borrowed something — a book, money, a dish, clothing — and not returned it? Now’s a good time to give the item back to its true owner.

Have you made a promise to see a doctor, clean the carport, make a will, have a neighbor for dinner and not kept it? Set the date today for when you’ll get the job done.

Are you neglecting a duty that is yours, such as taking financial responsibility for a child or caring for an aging parent? Refusing to put your shoulder to the wheel or to pull your weight financially forces others to do your share.

Have you been mean because of a slight or injustice? Are you sure you want to take such a stance?

Each day we make our destiny. Do you really respect the destiny you’re choosing?

Check out Doris’ latest books, “The Boy Whose Idea Could Feed the World,” “The Parent Teacher Discussion Guide,” and “Thin Becomes You” at Doris’ web page: www.doriswildhelmering.com.

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Doing what we say we are going to do or taking responsibility for our actions is not always easy but many times is needed.
destiny, counseling, marriage, responsibility
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2019-28-09
Wednesday, 09 January 2019 04:28 PM
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