Doris Wild Helmering is a nationally known marriage and relationship counselor, weight loss expert, television and radio personality, and business management coach. She is author of nine books, 1,200 newspaper columns, six e-booklets, and has written for Reader’s Digest, Redbook, Self, and Scripps Howard News Service. She has been a guest on OPRAH, Good Morning America, and CNN. She received the Alumni Merit Award from St. Louis University for advancing the field of psychotherapy and the Woman of Achievement Award from Soroptimist International. She was awarded clinical status in the American Group Psychotherapy Association and the International Transactional Analysis Association.

You can visit her website at: www.doriswildhelmering.com .

Tags: couples | relationships | counseling | marriage

Kind Gestures Help Spouses Get Along

By
Thursday, 12 July 2018 04:34 PM Current | Bio | Archive

I see a lot of couples for marriage counseling and although each couple has a unique set of problems, one thing stands out: Couples who are having problems often stop doing nice things for each other.

It may be that when she went shopping she used to always buy him a little present — a tie, a travel coffee mug, a half-pound of English toffee. Now she goes and buys for the children and herself. But the treats for him have stopped.

He, on the other hand, used to stop by the grocery store on the way home from work and bring her strawberries. He also used to make a point of bringing home his company's newsletter for her to read. Now he does neither.

Here's one technique that I've been suggesting to couples which brings quick, positive results and good feelings.

Get a large note pad and draw a line down the middle of the page. Write your name on one side and your mate's on the other. Every day each of you should do three nice things for the other and write them on the paper. Your list for several days may look like this:

Joan 11/1 Brought him coffee, picked up his cleaning, told him his haircut looked good

Jim 11/1 Got her popcorn at the show, told her "I love you", helped her wash windows

Joan 11/2 Bought food for his hunting trip, bought him new wool socks, fixed him breakfast

Jim 11/2 Gave her a back rub, made a fire when she asked, made her coffee

Joan 11/3 Sent him a card, had a key made for his locker, made him a cherry pie

Jim 11/3 Made dinner and cleaned up, listened to her about a job problem, told her the house looked nice

Joan 11/4 Complimented him on his tie, said "I love you", sewed a button on his shirt

Jim 11/4 Sent her a card, picked up milk, bought her doughnuts

The trick to this technique is to keep doing it even if you're annoyed at your mate. And keep it in a place where you can both see it - on the kitchen counter, on the dining room table.

If you have children, let them see your list. It's good for them to know that Mom and Dad do nice things for each other.

Every couple who has used this technique has reported good results. Try it for a month. I guarantee, it works.

Check out Doris’ latest books, “The Boy Whose Idea Could Feed the World,” “The Parent Teacher Discussion Guide,” and “Thin Becomes You” at Doris’ web page: www.doriswildhelmering.com

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Couples who are having problems often stop doing nice things for each other.
couples, relationships, counseling, marriage
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2018-34-12
Thursday, 12 July 2018 04:34 PM
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