A Caretaker is a person whose main focus in life is taking care of others. Caretakers almost always put their mate’s needs ahead of their own. Because they are so focused on everyone else’s needs, their intuitive powers are highly developed.
They can walk into a room and know what their mate is feeling. If their mate is feeling happy, they feel happy. If their mate is feeling down in the dumps, they start to feel anxious, and try everything possible to make their mate feel better. It’s almost as if their mate is an extension of themselves.
A classic example is the Caretaker who dislikes watching basketball, but feels that she must sit and watch March madness with her husband in order to keep him company. He doesn’t ask her to sit down and watch with him, nor does he expect her to watch with him, but she watches because she thinks she should.
A caretaker also tends to be an advice giver. When she has a problem, however, she’s reluctant to ask for help because she’s supposed to be the helper, not the “helpee”.
The position of Caretaker automatically gives a person a tremendous amount of power because Caretaker makes most of the decisions in the relationship. And secretly she enjoys this position of power.
At the same time, she often feels cheated because her mate doesn’t take responsibility and make more decisions in the relationship. When her mate tries to take more responsibility, however, the caretaker is right there trying to take charge once again.
For example, Caretaker complains that her husband doesn’t discipline the children enough. When her husband does start to discipline, she immediately jumps in and gives additional advice to the children. Or she disagrees with her husband’s disciplining and overrides him.
Usually in a relationship it’s the woman who’s the Caretaker, because in our society, most often it’s the little girl in the family who is taught to take care of others. There are also some men who fall into this category, but mostly it’s the woman.
If you’re a Caretaker, you probably have already recognized yourself, but if you have any doubt, the following test will help you decide. Also, if you know you’re not a Caretaker but you suspect that your mate is, take the test with him or her in mind. For every yes answer, give yourself one point.
You are constantly concerned about your mate’s mood, forever taking his emotional temperature, and feel responsible when your spouse is depressed, bored, angry, sad or unhappy.
You are more aware of your spouse’s feelings than your own.
You give compliments, hugs, pats on the back, and you always try to please.
You prepare well in advance for birthdays, holidays, vacations, and social gatherings so everything will be just right.
You are willing to drop your own plans for those of your mate’s at a moment’s notice.
You have a high energy level, you are ambitious and definitely a doer in life.
You have the ability to look at a situation and recognize instantly what needs to be done.
You have trouble relaxing, and when you do, you still work on little projects such as paying the bills while watching television or wiping off the kitchen cabinets while talking to a friend on the telephone.
You are well-organized, efficient and somewhat compulsive.
You secretly enjoy taking charge and making sure things get done.
If you have 8, 9, or 10 yeses, you are definitely a Caretaker. If you have 5, 6, or 7 yeses, you are probably a caring person and often do nice things for others, but you do not operate from the Caretaker frame of reference.
Check out Doris’ latest books, “The Boy Whose Idea Could Feed the World,” “The Parent Teacher Discussion Guide,” and “Thin Becomes You” at Doris’ web page: www.doriswildhelmering.com.
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