“I just don’t have much interest in sex.”
“Nothing works, I just feel dead sexually.”
“No way I can think about sex in the middle of a pandemic.”
Lots of people in ongoing relationships, particularly women, love their partner but just can’t easily get in the mood for sex. For most of us, right now, our minds are full of “to-do” lists and worries. Not sexy. We all desperately need a break from our current upsetting reality.
One way to switch gears is to engage your lizard brain — aka your reptilian brain, made up of the basal ganglia and the brainstem. This is the part of your brain that is involved with primitive drives such as thirst, hunger and sex.
You don’t think about it, and you can’t turn it off, so you might as well hitch a ride on it. Jumpstart sexual interest by bypassing worries and tuning in to your innate sex drive.
Pornography does this, but many people find it highly objectionable. Reading erotica works too, but you may not be able or willing to access it.
But a quick, fun, gentle sexual boost is right at your fingertips. Just go online to YouTube and enter “best movie kiss scenes.” The kisses often are heterocentric, but there are also YouTubes of the best gay kisses and best lesbian kissing scenes. Look for a compilation that doesn’t have a lot of chatter, one that has music you like
Then settle back into your body, breathe deeply, and enjoy the ride.
Just a final note: It’s not unusual for me to treat people who have an aversion to kissing. Of course, if this describes you, the above technique will not be a magic bullet to desire.
If you’ve never been comfortable with your sexuality or never had desire, you might be interested in exploring the reasons you feel that way.
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