Tags: parents | family | children

Parents Often in Denial About Rifts With Kids

Tuesday, 26 January 2016 10:43 AM Current | Bio | Archive

One of the most painful questions I hear on my radio show is, “Why don’t my adult children call or visit?” I respond with my own question: “What are they upset about?” The reply is usually, “I don’t know.” This is when I roll my eyes.

To summarize, some callers feel they should ask a total stranger on a radio program to clairvoyantly reveal why their own children will not have anything to do with them because they think everything is fine.

This is about as deep in denial as a person can sink. The last time I had a call like this I decided to just lay it out there: “Either your son is in a drug- or alcohol-induced coma, in a jail in some third world country with no outside communication, or has simply decided he is angry with you and just won’t take it anymore. This is a conscious act. He is avoiding you on purpose,” I said.

Believe it or not, I got back the exact same answer: “No, we’ve always been close, and I have no idea whatsoever why he won’t take my calls or answer my emails or texts.

Rolling my eyes again!

My lecture continued: “There is only one way to repair this situation. You need to admit to your son what you did to hurt him. You will have to admit your actions. You have to take full responsibility and not make excuses. You have to tell your son what you intend to do to repair the damage and that it will never happen again.

“Until you do that, there will likely be no relationship between you and your son.”

This sounds harsh, but being actively ignored by an adult child generally has something to do with a parent who has crossed a sacred line. It could be abuse, unreasonable expectations, or any number of offenses.

Some of the history of this particular caller included a divorce, after which she “counted on her son to a great degree.” She had recently decided to marry someone else. She had a disdainful tone when she mentioned that her son married a “Hispanic” woman.

I figured there was just too much self-centeredness in her life perspective and that her son is protecting himself from being absorbed by her and stopping his wife from being  disrespected.

I don’t always expect callers to take on board what I am telling them in the few minutes I have with them on a call. I hope they will think about what I’ve said and eventually understand.

But, as I said, she had no idea as to why her son didn’t want her in his life. That level of denial is very sad indeed.

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Dr. Laura (Laura Schlessinger) is a well-known radio personality and best-selling author. She appears regularly on many television shows and in many publications. Read more reports from Dr. Laura — Click Here Now.

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One of the most painful questions I hear on my radio show is, “Why don’t my adult children call or visit?”
parents, family, children
Tuesday, 26 January 2016 10:43 AM
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